Wanted to share something I thought was really funny.
There's this guy we know that sales trinkets and what not beside the road. We usually stop and see what he has a few times a month. Last time we were there I noticed a red truck sitting in the parking lot that had lots of stickers on it's back window. One of them said, "My other toy has tits." I put Robert up to ask him if his other toy was a blow up doll. hee hee
He wouldn't! party pooper!
I can't believe I'm up at 6 am eating! Last night Robert made a pot of his made from scratch spaghetti and meatballs. I pigged out then and just now finished another large helping a few minutes ago. It's so good! I hope I can hold it down. So far, so good.
I went to the hospital around 3 PM on Thursday to get three bags of platelets and two bags of blood. I didn't get released until almost 11 am Friday. Plus I had to go three days straight to get a shot of leunasta (sp). It's to help build my white cell count. Mine was down to 1.4. The shot makes me so sick and my bones hurt even worse than without it. And the shot itself is so very painful. Both my arms are sore and tender to the touch. We had problems with the IV so my left arm is so sore I can't stretch it out straight.
I'm doing pretty good with quitting smoking. Only had a few relapses. Still, I think I'm doing good since I'm doing it cold turkey. Hardest times are after a meal or if I become upset/angry.
I had Robert take my truck to H.C. Lewis to get new tires and a front end alignment. Almost $300 for tires! Soon as the tires were off, the mechanic came in and said they couldn't do an allignment because the ball joint is going bad on the passenger side and my steering box is going out. Very expensive problems. A rebuilt steering box and labor will be almost $400!
Is it just me and my luck or does it seem like something like this always happens on or around Christmas for anyone else?
My aunt Debbie has offered to go with me for the two months that I will need a caregiver during the transplant. Now Robert says he's not staying here and catering to Cameron while I'm in the hospital. So selfish! I can't win for losing.
Why can't they put me and my healthfirst for once and work with me on this?
Dawn, I'm sorry I haven't returned your calls. Don't give up on me. I just haven't felt very sociable. I love you and say Hi to Bob for me.
Wish I had some new pictures to post but I haven't felt like doing that either. Plus, I keep forgetting to take my camera with me.
I'm off to bed. God Bless you all with a Happy and pain free weekend. And don't forget to change your clocks back. I heard that some peoples computers and clocks reset their time a week early. Mine didn't!
THE REGISTER-HERALD (BECKLEY, W.V.)
LEWISBURG, W.V. — Animal control officials say cameras will be installed on a tract of land in north-central Greenbrier County to document a hunter's claims that a free-roaming African lion has made a home near Cold Knob.
County officials are dealing with the unusual scenario because exotic animals do not come under the jurisdiction of the state Division of Natural Resources, county animal control officer Robert McClung said.
Motion-sensitive video cameras owned by the state Department of Environmental Protection and used to catch litterbugs and still cameras used by hunters could be placed on trees at Big Roaring Creek, he said.
“For the sake of the public’s safety, we need to confirm this,” McClung said. “If we can confirm that it’s a lion, plans are being made to use a bear trap to capture it.”
McClung said if the big cat is eventually captured, it will be turned over to the Tiger Mountain Refuge in Rainelle, a nonprofit group that takes in abandoned exotic pets.
While bow hunting last week on his 40-acre tract at Big Roaring Creek, Jim Shortridge, 72, of Frankford, said he watched the 300-pound male lion for about 40 minutes.
The Register-Herald, Beckley, W.V.
I have got to get to bed. I've sat here for way too long tonight reading journals and news links. Oh, and trying to update my Norton's. Looks like I'll have to purchase another years subscription. Robert said he'll give me the money for it tomorrow. At least I'm getting a 40% discount because I already have an older version installed on my computer. So, that's a good thing.
Some of you had asked why Cameron can't stay with Robert. Robert will be with me two of the three months of getting the bone marrow transplant because I have to have a 24 hour caregiver and I won't be in the hospital but next door to it in an apartment they provide through the family house. It's like a Ronald McDonald House.
All of my family and Cameron's father know that I need a care giver and that Cameron has no place to stay but none of them have offered, even when asked, to do either. They just don't care. Cameron doesn't even hear from his Dad on birthdays and holidays.
I could take him with me but that means he'd miss two months of school and he's barely getting by as it is.
It's his own fault that no one wants to take him in. He's 17, hard headed, argumentive, lazy, and disrespectful to adults when things don't go his way. Other than that, he's a good kid. LOL
I wanted to share this link with you guys and ask you your opinion of what you think it is. I don't think it's bigfoot, but I don't think it's a bear either. It looks more like a monkey to me.
I'm so excited and nervous!! I get to meet a long time online friend (Nelishia) next month when she comes along with her church family (all the way from GA.) to visit a church near me. Actually only a few minutes from where I live. I hope I'm not in the hospital at the time.
The weather has finally turned to Fall here after a few days of rain that California folks could use. Today's high is 55. We usually have our first snow around or shortly after Halloween. I'm not looking forward to that at all.
Robert's car finally died. It's the motor and way too expensive to fix. I wish I had the money he has put into that car. Thank God I have my truck, even if I'm not allowed to drive it. Doctors orders!
I wanna say thank you to Guido (you know why. BIG HUG) and all the new visitors and old to my journal for their prayers and concern. Thank you Connie for lighting a candle for me and sharing the web site with me also. That was awesome! But the entry I did yesterday about the buddy list had nothing to with journals, not having friends or readers, I promise. I wasn't fishing for sympathy, readers, comments, etc. There was no hidden meaning and I wasn't trying to offend or hurt anyone's feelings.
Does anyone else read the Sunday comics, specifically Funky Winkerbean? Robert and I became hooked on it when Mrs. Moore was diagnosed with cancer. She passed away I think three Sundays ago. I cried!
I hope everyone is having a good Sunday and may God Bless you all.
I was editing my buddy list today and decided to remove some peoples names from it because 1. I never see them online anymore and 2. I never hear from most of them. When I was finished it was kind of depressing because now I'm only left with three people on my list. I don't know why it bothered me since I don't like to instant message anyway.
Last night I logged off the computer and got up to turn off the lights and go to bed when next thing I knew I was lying in the floor unable to move. I had passed out again. Cameron and Robert both were in bed so all I could do was lay there until I was able to call out to Cameron since his room was closest to me. Poor kid, it scared him to death. He wouldn't go back to bed until I let him wake Robert and then get the OK from both of us that I was gonna be alright.
On my last visit to the Dr he told me I tested positive for Rheumatoid arthritis. That explains why I'm so stiff and in so much pain. He also told me that soon my body would start rejecting the blood and platelet transfusions.
I still haven't found anyone to care for Cameron for two of the three months I'll be in the hospital for the bone marrow transplant. I'll be speaking with a Social worker Tuesday to see if they can find him a temporary foster home. I hate getting them involved but what other choice do I have? It's a sad situation. No one with cancer or any other serious illness should have to worry about such things. And neither should the child. :(...
When you're already feeling bad/depressed and someone shows you sympathy, does it make you cry? It does me. Sometimes I can fight it off, but not always. I'm the same way when getting a compliment. I never know what to say and instead of saying thank you, I blurt out, you liar! or, you either need glasses or your're drunk. ")
I saw Dr. Craig for a checkup on Wednesday. He didn't seem as enthusiastic this time as all the others. Kinda scared me a little. I go back November 11 so they can check the nicotine levels in my blood,to make sure I've quit. :) I CAN DO THIS!
Since I can't be around second hand smoke either, Robert has to quit. We'll see...
We were on 79 N when Robert saw this and told me to grab the camera. It cracked me up until I started wondering if it was a real person. Nah, it couldn't be. Could it?
I've been really sick. I don't have the strength to stand up long enough to cook a meal. Even bathing myself wears me out. My house is a mess and it drives me crazier than anything else!! They say it's the chemo and that it'll get better, but I don't know. It wasn't this bad before. I just hope that I don't have to take anymore.
My great uncle Wendel Littles died of cancer a few days ago. Even though I wasn't close to him, I had a really hard time with it. Mostly because he had been prayed over and he believed he was healed and yet he died anyway.
My hair is coming back, slowly but surely!
I weigh 107 lbs and down to a size 3. I wouldn't mind this weight if I could just get toned up.
Everyone says I look awful, and I do.
God Bless everyone!
I'm gonna try to make an entry. If I lose it, I'm not trying again until I get home. This is so frustrating without a mouse. I can just hover over something with the pointer and it clicks it on it's own. And this wireless connection isn't all that. I keep getting booted.
I'm sitting here now at 7:10 pm waiting on a surgeon to come and remove my hickman catheter because they say it's what is causing my blood infection. They came in earlier and tried to put an IV in my arm with me telling them that they couldn't because my veins are all used up and will blow. They didn't listen and they blew. Big surprise! :(
They think I'm having mild seizures.
I go over to the dentist office tomorrow. It's part of the hospital. I don't know if they'll pull my bad tooth or fix it. Right now, I don't really care. I'm just tired of the infections and pain.
I bought myself three pair of happy bunny pajama's and everyone thinks they are so cute. One of the shirts says, "It's cute how you think I'm listening."
Robert and hopefully Cameron are coming up tomorrow.
I'm gonna save this now before I lose it.
Just got home today from spending another week in Ruby Hospital and hopefully, my last round of chemo. I go back I think on the 24th for a follow up. If the results from that are good, we move on to the next step (transplant) in 6 to 8 weeks.
500 matches have already been found on the National Registry and those must be narrowed down to the closest match they can find.
The first three days in the hospital I slept and never left my room.
Today, I feel great! It's all gloomy outside and I love it! As long as I'm home.
The photo's above will look much better if you click on them and view them larger. I was snapping pics as Robert was driving. I don't think I did too bad. I wanted to show you guys how the trees are changing here. It gets so pretty in the fall.
I think it's a lil funny that when I make a journal entry that is "Religious" themes I rarely get comments. I often wonder if it's because people just don't wanna know or what the deal is.
No biggy, just something I'm curious about. I know that I am on a Christian mailing list and the Author often goes overboard with the very long emails. LOL Gotta love him and his commitment and faith though.
We'll be leaving again tomorrow for Morgantown. I'll be staying for five to seven days to get my (hopefully) last round of chemo. Some of you have asked whether or not anyone could be tested outside my family. The answer is YES! Anyone can be tested.
If anyone is interested, drop me an email and I'll give you all the information you need. I'll need some info from you too. But, if you don't feel safe giving it to me, you can always give it to the nurse that will be contacting you, that is, if you decide to be tested.
Doc says that after I finish this last round of chemo, I won't have a lot of time to play around with. That we'll need to find a donor ASAP.
I wanna thank everyone that has shown interest and concern from the bottom of my heart.
God Love you Bless you all.
This Hickman Catheter they put in yesterday is being a real pain in the arse. I don't remember it hurting this bad before and I certainly don't remember it making me cough, being short of breath or feeling like I'm being stabbed in my lung. I can't even lean on or lie on my left side.
I called my Home Health Nurse earlier and asked if she would be coming out tomorrow morning since it was a Holiday and she said no, that it wasn't in her orders. But, if I needed something she would gladly come by. I told her the problems I was having with the hickman. She asked if it had been bleeding and I said yes. So, She'll be out tomorrow. WooT!!
I don't know if they are all like that but the two that take turns coming out to see me are nothing less than angels. They are so sweet, concerned, and compassionate. I'm not used to being treated like that so they often make me cry. (pity party) LOL
One of them is named Flora and I love her to death. She nicknamed me sissy and that makes me feel like the biggest ole baby. In a good way! LOL
Robert and I left yesterday afternoon for Morgantown. Just before dark a terrible storm came up and the rain was coming down so hard you couldn't see the road. A lot of people, including us, pulled off the road for safety.
I love staying at Hotels, the fancier, the better. Although, I have yet to stay in a "real" fancy Hotel. But, I have stayed in some nice ones. Winngate Inn is one of my favorites just because they have huge rooms.
My next favorite is the Waterfront, downtown Morgantown. The waterfront view is awesome!
Last night we stayed at Euro Suites, for FREE!! Not only do they have nice rooms and a bed to die for, but their windows actually opened. That's a big plus for me cause I have to have fresh air. And check out isn't until 1:00 PM! Too bad I had to get up at 5 am for surgery. :(
So, today they took out the central line that I've had in for over two months and was so very tired of. They replaced it, on the opposite side with a Hickman Catheter and boy, oh boy, is it ever sore and painful. And ever since I woke up from the anesthesia, I've been coughing and OMG, that really hurts.
I tried to get a few pictures a long the way but Robert wouldn't stop the car, so I only got a few worth loading. Hope you enjoy them.
Oh, and I have no idea who the kid on the bus is. He just wanted his pic taken. We were sitting at a red light! LOL
I suppose I have officially been placed on the National Donor List since my brother flat out said he didn't want to be bothered with it. That's OK, his choice, and one he will answer for later.
I've been thinking about getting a physical therapist to come out to my house and put a fire under my butt to make me get up and get in shape. But, it is just in the thinking stage as of yet. hee hee
I'm a privateperson and it's hard inviting strangers in your house, but I'm getting over it, slowly!
I'm thinking someone called my Dr's office and reported that I am being mistreated at home. I had Cameron with me. It was his first time going and the nurse asked me if he was my boyfriend. After I told her he was my son she asked flat out, "Lahoma, Are you being abused at home"? I was so shocked I couldn't say anything for a minute then I blurted out NO! Then she says, "How come I don't believe you"? I was so uncomfortable and I could feel my face burning, but she let it go at that. Or, at least I hope she did. I now wish I had asked her where she had gotten that idea from.
I can honestly say that, NO, I am not being physically abused.
"Click on the pics above for a few quotes and hopefully a smile".
The writer is Leonard Pitts, a columnist for The Miami Herald. Mr. Pitts was writing concerning a young man in the South Carolina Juvenile Detention Center. The artilce was written as if Mr. Pitts were speaking directly to this young man.
"Keep your eyes on the prize. Never satisfy a short-term impulse at the expense of a long-term goal. Never do what feels good in the moment if it's going to cost you something that matters a whole lot more in the end. The trade is never worth it."
"When people make investments, they are looking for a return, a profit. In your case, that profit would be that you leave that place and never look back, that you build a life that makes you a credit to your community as opposed to one of it's deficits. You can do that. Step one is to always remember: Eyes on the prize.
Now reread that and think of the Kingdom of God. When God makes an investment, He is looking for return, a profit. In your case, that profit would be that you leave that place of sin and never look back, that you build a Christian life that makes you a credit to your community in this life and in eternity instead of being a deficit. You can do that in Christ. Step one is to always remember: Eyes on the prize...our eternal prize Jesus Christ.
On Monday I went to my Oncologist office for blood work. My white cell count was .7 and my platelets were .4. Both very low. Dr. Ahmed said I needed another transfusion so he ordered blood and platelets. They come from Roanoke, Va. so I had to wait until Tuesday but be at the hospital as early possible. Tuesday came and I was later than I wanted to be getting to the hospital because I had to go by the Jr. National Guards Special Forces office to drop off papers for Cameron.
The Dr. had originally ordered two bags of blood and six bags of platelets but I ended up only getting the blood and three bags of platelets. Which was fine with me because I had already sat there almost 9 hours and I had an early appointment in Morgantown the next day. We had planned on leaving early and spending the night in Morgantown but that didn't happen.
We did leave early the next morning though only to not even make it to Morgantown. We had just come into Chapmansville when we came upon some debree (sp) in the road that looked like large hunks of rubber from truck tires. To keep from hitting it, Robert tried to straddle it and it turned out to be a piece of metal that ripped holes in the gas tank (emptying an entire tank of gas in less than 30 seconds) and the exhaust. Luckily we were on a hill and the car coasted to a speedway where Robert called a garage to come get the car.
The owner of the garage came out to tow the car. He said we were blessed by the Lord on that day because the gas tank could have easily exploded. SCARY!
He fixed the gas tank and when Robert asked him what he owed him, He said, "I don't know how you feel about the Lord, but God Bless you both." And didn't charge us a penny! WOW!
He told us where to go, to get the exhaust pipe fixed and that cost $40. By the time it was all done and over with we were hot and exhausted from being out in the heat for about four hours so we ended up getting a room and crashing in the AC for the rest of the day.
I guess we were blessed in many ways that day.
Cameron got to fly in a C-130 troop carrier yesterday. He said it was fun until they went to land then his stomach went up into his chest and he almost puked. LOL
I've been eating a lot of fatty foods trying to gain weight. It's not working and my skin is hanging off me like an 80 year old woman's!!!!! OMG! I could cry every time I look into the mirror! What the hell can you do about saggy skin???
I finished my second round of chemo a few days ago, been home almost a week. I was given a bag every 12 hours for seven days. I wanted to make an entry before I left but the phone lines had been down for two days. Verizon sucks in this area. I had them when I lived in Virginia and never had a problem.
It wasn't that bad being in the hospital alone this time.
When I came home a port a potty was sitting on my porch. I found out that a Dr. Bill ordered it for me. To my knowledge I've never met the man and I surely don't need a port a potty. The bathroom entrance in my bedroom is only about six feet away from my bed.
The day after I got home I had to sit in our local hospital for six hours getting platelets. I was in a horrible mood and took it out on the nurse in training because I told her the blood pressure cuff was too tight and she just stood there looking at me.
She never came back.
I go back to Morgantown on the 8th to meet with Dr. Craig for an evaluation.
My white cell counts and platelets stay very low. Dr. Ahmed thinks I'll need another blood transfusion by the time I see him Monday because the red cell count was low too. The guidelines were changed and what was considered too low before isn't now. I don't understand their logic.
I was finally approved for Disability. The Leukemia diagnosis is what they approved me by and they only gave me back pay from the time I was diagnosed, March thru July. So, I didn't get much. Not even enough to get me a better vehicle. Which I need really bad.
But, I'm soooo thankful for the extra income.
They (Dr's) have a home health nurse coming out to the house twice a week. I thought by her coming I wouldn't have to go to the Doctor quiet as often but I was wrong. My CBC has to be done twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays. So, the nurse's flush my lines, checks my vitals, changes the dressing on my central line, and talks with me. They're nice ladies.
See the red on my chest? That's where Dr. Ricky yanked the dressing off and took some of my skin with it. I didn't think it was funny!
I'm back up to 120 pounds. :)
Here's a few photo's that were taken while I was in the hospital.
I've had good days and bad days since being home. Mostly bad since I was expected to take 10 hours out of every day and spend it at the bluefield hospital getting antibiotic treatments for a fungal infection in my lungs. It became too much and I called Dr. Craig so he said I could quit. YAY!
The nurses gave the antibiotic the name shake and bake because of it's side effects.
I go back to Morgantown on the 18th for another bone marrow biopsy.
While there the last time I had two sets of Dr's that would visit me every day. One morning Dr. Moe came in and said he'd give me good news if I'd let him have my news paper. I said, for good news you can have anything you want. He proceeded to tell me that the test results were back and that I was in 100% remission. I got so happy I started calling everyone. Then later in the day the second set of Dr's came around and busted my bubble by saying that it wasn't 100%. That there are a few mutated cells remaining to be concerned about.
I dread more than anything going back....
I'm down to 113 pounds.
Hi all. I'm back at the library and only have a few minutes. They want me back by 3 and it's after 2 now. Plus it's a long walk. I had my bone marrow biopsy today, a day early. Will have the results in three days. They had a really hard time because they couldn't find any of the liquid stuff they needed from inside my bones. Will be in a lot of pain for the next few days. Thank you all for calling me. Kim, you really brightened my evening when you called. I love you guys, all of you that are checking in on me and making me feel cared for.
I had asked my family to take up some donations at church for me so Robert and Cameron could come spend some time with me. They had my hopes up and I finally felt like I had something to look forward to, then I get a phone call last night from my aunt telling that my cousins husband wouldn't let her ask the church. And he was the one that got all holy roller on the phone and promised at least $300 plus the $100 he was putting up. What a hypocrite. I told her to tell him he could keep his money.
I can't think straight with the chemo and the morphine they gave me earlier isn't helping either. I'm sorry if I forgot to mention anyone. I love you all.
I am currently in the hospital library using their computer. I don't have a lot of time so this will be short. My mailing address at the hospital is the same but they have placed me in a different room. You don't need the room number to mail me but the phone number is different. Absent minded me forgot to write the phone number down to give to those who have been calling. So, if you call and don't get me, it's just because I'm in another room. Hopefully I'll be able to get back over here and give you my new number. I wish I could thank all that have sent cards but some of you do not give a return address and I don't have a link to your web sites. For those that are reading or know someone who has sent me a card, please pass a long my heartfelt thanks.
Thank you for thinking of me. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to endure just for the fact that I am alone.
One more thing and this will probably be my last entry for a while. Some of you have been asking for updates while I'm in the hospital. I don't have any way of giving updates and no one has volunteered so the best I can offer is the hospital web site in a previous entry. It has the phone numbers and address to the place. And I'll be on the patient registry so it shouldn't be too hard to contact me.
Mail can be sent to..
Ruby Memorial Hospital
Blood and Marrow Transplant unit
Medical Center Drive
Morgantown, WV 26506
Does anyone know why Dr. prescribed pain medication makes my nose itch to the point that I would just like to scratch it off my face? LOL Does it do you that way? Maybe I'm allergic to it or something.
Anyway Monday was Cameron's 17th birthday and I found out the same day that I had to be in Morgantown the next day. So, I tried to hurry and get a few things done like packing and making Cameron a pan of fudge cause he didn't want a cake. He came home from school and we had just enough time for him to make a wish and blow out the candle then Robert and I left for our long drive.
We made it to Charleston around 8pm, got a room at the Ramada and ordered some dinner then crashed. Neither of us slept very well. Then we got up at 6am, showered and headed on out for another 3 hours of driving. We made it to my appointment with 2 minutes to spare and Dr. Craig and his team were waiting on me so I was taken straight back.
We didn't get out until after 5 that evening. Which I'm not complaining because they could have kept me. First I was given an IV after three attempts. Then we went back and spent 45 minutes to an hour trying to get a sample of my bone marrow. Which really isn't that bad of an experience until the next day and week after. God, do I ever feel sorry for people who break their hips. I can't imagine how they handle the pain.
After that I was put in a room and given two bags of blood and a bag of platelets. All during the transfusion I was being visited by different people explaining to me what I have to look forward to, the treatment process, the donor process, blah, blah, blah. Once I heard, "You'll be spending 3 months in the hospital" I didn't hear anything else.
Dr Craig says my bone marrow is mutating at an advanced rate and that at the moment I have Myeloid Displasia (sp) but at the rate it's going it will soon be Myeloid Leukemia. If they can get it to go into remission with chemo,then I will have a bone marrow transplant. If it doesn't go into remission, well, you get the picture.
I just don't know what I'm going to do about Cameron. I can't leave him alone for three months. I don't want to leave him alone with Robert and I have no one else. Plus, They say that while I'm out there for three months they'll put me up in an apt beside the hospital and I'll need a 24 hr caregiver. I have no one to do that either.
plus, I'll be charged $15 dollars a day for rent. That's over $400 a month and there's no way I can pay the rent here and out there.
We didn't get home until around midnight Tuesday. The next morning I was on the phone with family telling them about needing a caregiver and needing someone to look after Cameron for me. Guess how many volunteered? ZERO!
Am I surprised? No! I don't know why I keep setting myself up for more disappointment. Looks like after 39 years I'd get it through my head that they just do not care.
Cameron would kill me if he knew I posted these pics of him being silly. :o)
I got a call from Dr Ahmed's office earlier stressing how important it is and that my life depends on me getting to Morgantown.
Well, give me an appointment already!
She has been trying to get me an appointment but she keeps getting a recording, just like I was until I thought to change the last digit of the number until i reached a live person.
Now we have the ball rolling and I have to be in Morgantown tomorrow morning at 10 am. That means we'll be leaving here in a few hours and probably spend the night in Charleston.
I'll be getting another bone marrow biopsy tomorrow and depending on my blood work, maybe another transfusion. I'm not looking forward to it. I hope they give me a port so I don't have to keep getting stuck with a needle.
If you guys don't hear from me within a day or two, you'll know they kept me.
On days when I don't feel like doing much of anything I enjoy sitting on my porch and taking pics of all the critters that visit my yard.
I love the one pic of the Hummingbird peeking at me over the feeder.
I been thinking about making a public journal just for sharing the pics I take. Anybody got any suggestions for names?
I'm feeling a little better today as far as the toothache goes. I still have swelling and a big boil right above the tooth that's bothering me, but I haven't had to take a pain pill all day.
The pictures above are of our dog Baby. She thinks she's a cat sitting up on the porch railing like she is. LOL I had just given her a bath and boy, was she dirty.
I guess I should have mentioned that the babies in the entry below are my second cousins.
I have this swooshing noise in my left ear and it's about to drive me nuts!
My energy levels are low. I get exausted just going from one room to another. Or to just empty the washer and load the dryer sends me running to sit down before I fall down.
I'm worried about Cameron because I'll probably be in the hospital a lot and I have no one I can trust to look after him.
He's turning 17 on Monday, the 21st. Most would say he's old enough to look after himself and I agree, but not for long periods of time.
His email is xxCCT1990xx@aol.com if anyone would like to send him a birthday card.
Wow, look at that. AOL made some changes to the journals. We can now add pics, albums and video. Isn't that special?
I have lots of pics I wanna share but don't feel like messing with it today. It takes too long for them to load.
I was supposed to be in Morgantown WV at 1:30 to start my treatment program today but didn't make it. I was up most of the night nursing an abscessed tooth. The entire right side of my face is swollen. I'm in terrible pain and taking penicillin.
As some of you know it takes me almost 6 hours to get there and that's too much driving for me or anyone on little sleep.
I rescheduled and the soonest they could see me is May 29th. They called Dr AhMed and told him I had rescheduled my appointment then he had nurse Beth call me and fuss at me.
I told her and him both yesterday that I had an abscessed tooth. He's the one that gave me the antibiotic and said that's all I need now. Talking about the tooth.
My platelets were down to 10.000 and he admitted me yesterday evening for a transfusion. Said he'd like to keep me overnight but he preferred I keep my appointment. Then I end up missing it. I bet he was pissed.
What could I do?
Anyway, I've been thinking about Kim. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. God Bless her and God Bless ya'll.
So, I guess they're thinking that the stem cell transplant that saved my life ten years ago has caused this new disease. They are also saying that this type of Leukemia usually only happens to the elderly. People 50 and over but more so from 70 on up.
My brother and his girlfriend offered to be donors yesterday. I thanked them and told them I may not even need a donor because I'm not taking this new diagnosis serious until I get to Morgantown and get a second opinion.
I've been reading up on it as much as possible but what I'd really like to do is meet someone that has either gone through it themselves or with a loved one. Those are the folks that can really tell me what to expect. That is unless they are like me and chose to block that entire part of their life from their minds. I remember very little about my first encounter with cancer, that is until I read Kim's journal or someone else's who has cancer and something they are going through triggers one of my blocked memories.
Too bad you can't do that with people. I'd like to block just about every person in my life.
My motto used to be to never give up. I'd tell everyone I knew that had cancer to hang on, and never give up. But, in order for a person to want to live, or even fight to live, they must have a loving, supporting, and caring family. They must have a reason to live! Not everyone has that and without it, there's no will.
I wasn't going to write about any of this on here, but here goes!
When I first bought my truck I had the opportunity to get vanity tags. Everything I asked for was taken so I finally came up with JUSTMYLUK and I honestly believe I jinxed it because even though it's been a good lil truck, it sure has been through it and looks terrible.
I feel like JUSTMYLUK should have been embedded in my forehead.
Last Monday I had a bone marrow biopsy and yesterday I got the results. The Dr says I tested positive for Myeloid Leukemia. He also said no one around here can treat me because I have to have a bone marrow transplant and that unlike the stem cell transplant, I cannot donate to myself. So, now I have to find someone to donate to me, that is a match.
I told my family and so far I have two volunteers but both of those can't be a doner because of their own health issues.
I haven't found out for sure yet but I may have to go as far as North Carolina to be treated. I can't afford to travel that far for treatment nor do I even want to.
I've been thinking that maybe I should contact the make a wish foundation so that Cameron and I can do something fun and exciting together. A lasting memory.......Just in case.
When you cannot pray as you would,
pray as you can.
Dean M. Goulburn
My friend had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Understandably, her first reaction was shock followed closely by terror and all that entails: sleeplessness, anxiety, depression and anger.
What bothered her most, however, was that for the first time in her life, she was unable to pray.
"I don't know what to say," she confided. "I don't know what to ask for. I can't find the words."
I assured her she was not alone. I had also found it difficult to pray when I was first diagnosed with cancer.My biggest problem was anger. I was mad at God. He had allowed this awful thing to happen to me, and I didn't want to talk to Him anymore.
But as the shock and terror slowly wore off and I entered into my year-long cancer journey filled with multiple surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation treatments, my anger ebbed, too.
I realized that God had not given me cancer. A misfire at the cellular level had given me cancer. A bad gene, maybe. Pesticide exposure, perhaps. Whatever had caused it, it wasn't God.
It was biology run amok.
God was right where He had always been, waiting patiently for me to come to Him and lay my burdens at His feet. He knew my fears better than anyone, and He wanted to strengthen and encourage me. All I had to do was come into His presence and ask.
He also knew that I couldn't find the words to ask for what I needed. I wasn't even sure what I needed, so how could I pray?
It was then that He reminded my of the simple bedtime prayer I had prayed as a child. "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray Thee, Lord, my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray Thee, Lord, my soul to take."
He also reminded me of the Lord's prayer:
"Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name."
I realized that my prayers didn't need to be original to be heard. In fact, God has given us many prayers that we need only to read or recall according to our own faith traditions.
Sometimes I just said, "God, I am so scared and so tired that I don't even know how to pray anymore." Then I would sit quietly and wait. Invariably, God spoke to me through my heart. He reminded me that prayer is a two-way street and that sometimes all we have to do is be quiet and listen. Let Him do the talking.
Listening is prayer, too.
God is there even in - maybe especially in - the silence when we are still and quiet.
God, help me to remember that prayer is a conversation with You and that sometimes all I need to do is listen. Remind me that, even when I'm silenced by terror and can find no words at all, You can hear what is in my heart. Amen
When Cameron flipped my truck over the hill, not only was he grounded for a month, I also pressed joy riding charges on him. Nothings been done yet other than a preliminary hearing where the judge explained to Cameron how important it is that he not get into anymore trouble at home or school before coming back for court. Cameron's been suspended from school twice since then and the court ordered an investigation on me. The guy from children's services came out and talked to us, asking a lot of nosy questions and then before he left he said he was putting in his report that there wasn't a problem in the home but rather at school. I'm thinking they'll tell me one thing and do another. It's one big mess and once again, this is what I get for asking for help.
On top of that mess I've been sick. Last week I spent two days in the hospital getting a blood transfusion, some platelets, potassium, and magnesium pumped into me. They said either I'm losing blood or my body has stopped making red blood cells.
I couldn't rest. They were taking my vitals every 15 minutes through out the night and the nurse was chewing gum and popping it loudly. I asked for something to drink and didn't get anything until the next evening, even though the Doctor had me on a liquid diet. I was tired and frustrated and ended up signing myself out against the Dr's orders.
They could only use my right arm for the IV and to draw blood and my veins kept collapsing. My arm and hand are still sore and bruised. I went back to the Dr yesterday to get my results and to get more blood work. My blood pressure is low and my platelets are low, and the Dr said something was definitely going on, yet they don't want me back until next month? Makes a lot of sense! @@
Just when the caterpillar
I think someone said there was a lunar eclipse tonight I dunno, I could be mistaking. I do believe there's a full moon though. I haven't checked but I'd almost bet on it. It's been a crazy sad day.
My 1st cousin Stephen (Batman) Chaffins died today. Well, it's after midnight so it was technically yesterday morning. Anyway, he overdosed on pills. Hydrocodone and Xanax. No one but his wife Tammy knows if it was intentional or not but she'll never tell because just a few hours ago she was found dead in front of the TV with his empty pill bottles on the floor next to her, that was just filled March 1st.
They had been married less than a month.
God have mercy on their souls.
I have to go and be there for them because they are closer to me than any of my other family members and I think the world of them. Stephen didn't have any life insurance and I've been asked to help raise some money for the funeral and burial. I was also reminded that when my father passed away and he had no life insurance, they stepped in and took care of everything. And they did, even a head stone. And I appreciated it even though I didn't ask for it. I would have handled things if I had been asked or given the chance. But I wasn't. I was told, everything was under control. Not to worry about it.
I'm scared to death. I don't know what to do or how to start. I have trouble asking for money for myself, let alone someone else. God, that sounds selfish but I don't mean it to be. I'm not good with people and begging makes it worse.
It was suggested that I have a Hot Dog sale and donate the proceeds but I don't know. I don't have but like $100 to my name and I haven't bought any of my own supplies and food items.
Any and all suggestions would be appreciated.
I know I'm not gonna make enough to pay for the entire cost of things but I would like to get at least my money and $100 or more. Gosh, Hot Dogs, buns, chili and fixings for at least 200 people, that's a lot of money. Anybody got a calculator?
I just keep thinking, two people dead, their souls most likely condemned to Hell, all over a pill, a high.
It's sad. And the sadder part is this makes the third person to die in the same rental lot withinthe past two years.
And Stephens left behind a young son who is now Fatherless all for nothing other than a selfish act.
I'm wore out and I haven't even started.
Do I sound as cold and selfish as I think I do?
I finally got my Valentines Day gift. It took almost three weeks to get it back from being resized. I sat here for what seemed like forever trying to get a clear pic of it so you guys could see it. The pics above are the best I could get before getting aggravated and giving up.
My visit with Cameron's Principal on Monday didn't go so well. Cameron was suspended for three days causing him to miss a test they were having that counted as half of his grade. The reason he was suspended was for destroying school property by tearing the eraser out of his pencil, refusing to do an assignment, and cursing.
Should Cameron have been punished for that? Yes! Should he have been suspended? NO! Especially when there's kids at the school getting caught smoking in the bathroom on a daily basis and they are yet to get anything besides a warning or in school suspension.
Put my truck in the shop yesterday and got the break line fixed plus new breaks. Picked it up today and was hoping to get out of the house for a while but that didn't work out.
Cameron and I both spent most of yesterday at the Dr's office. Neither of us got good news. He's showing signs of I think she called it pre-diabetes plus his blood pressure has been high the last two visits. He's 6'4 and 265 pounds. When you try to talk to him about how he eats or losing some weight, he says he doesn't care. Thank God for fear and common sense or I'd ring his neck. LOL
Me and my problems, I'm not even gonna go into it. I'm so sick of going to Dr's and on top of all the others I see, I now have two more.
The Dr I saw yesterday suggested I reapply for disability. So, here we go with this again. I've been turned down 4 times within the last couple of years and there's so much paper work. This time, I'm getting a lawyer so maybe that'll help.
If it wasn't for needing the income and wanting to support myself instead of depending on Robert, I wouldn't even bother.
I do know one thing for certain though, if I am approved this time, I plan on taking what I want and need and then walkingoff and leaving the rest behind, including Robert. I've asked him to leave several times and he refuses so what other choice do I have than to leave myself.
I don't care how good he is to me, if he isn't good to my child and I do nothing about it then what kind of Mother am I to stay with him?
Every single time Cameron gets into trouble in school Robert gets hateful with me and Cameron and doesn't stop until he blows up calling Cameron names like stupid, dumbass, or fat fuck. Then he tells me how sorry of a Mom I am, That if it was his kid he'd put his foot in Cameron's ass. Or he compares my parenting to his ex wifes parenting. Well, his ex wife had a daughter, not a son and there is a difference.
He told me once that he was stupid for leaving his ex wife because she was a hell of a better woman than I am. My answer to that was, if she was all that, why did you leave her in the first place and why don't you take your ass back to her? Oh wait, I know why, because she won't have your sorry fat ass.
We had a small hail storm roll through today. It melted before I could get any pics of the hail but I did get these.
Robert said this one below has a face in it. I don't see it. Do you?
It's after 2am and I have a meeting with Cameron's Principal at 9am. Huge Sigh....
My Valentine's Day gift still hasn't come in. :(
And I awoke this morning to a toothache. Not a good way to start a day.
Cleaned some names out of my allowed readers list. Mostly people that don't even read me, or if they do, they've never left a comment. One person was removed because not only would she ignore my emails but she has been sucked into the drama mamma's zone.
I'd read her journal entries and feel so bad for her and she'd always leave me comments saying she wished we lived closer because we had so much in common, blah, blah, blah. I bet I emailed her 10 times offering my hand in friendship and not one time did she have the decency to reply to not one of my emails.
I'm not gonna mention any names but when I think of her now, I picture a sheep in wolf clothing.
It's been so nice here for the past two days. The birds are singing like it's Spring out and it got me to thinking. We're at the end of February, spring is almost here. woohoo!
I wish it would hurry up, our electric bill was over $200 last month. That's the most it's ever been for 1 month in the entire four years I've lived here. And the land lord still hasn't checked the heat pump.
Pain pills are kicking in and my toothache has let up some. I hate taking Dr prescribed pain pills, they always make me hurl, whether I eat or not.
I was lying in bed brainstorming a few nights ago and came up with an awesome new screen name and title for a journal. Now I can't remember it to save my life. I need to start writing stuff like that down. But, to do that I'd have to climb over Robert to get out of bed and I'm just too lazy and the bed feels too good. LOL
I suppose I should get off here and make a doctors appointment for Cameron and myself, now that all the snow has melted. He says his leg doesn't hurt anymore but it's all puffy like it has fluid build up around the injury so I'm a little concerned about that.
I hope all that visit me have a great day.
This article below was in our local paper two days ago. It's about the Middle School in Cameron's school district. I'd like to some how get involved but not sure how I could help. I was thinking of maybe calling this Janice McCoure and letting her know that my son has also been harassed and made fun of because of his race. I'd love to see the B.O.E. get slapped with a fine, public embarrassment, or something.
|War Junior High School Abuse|
|“You send your kids to school for an education but they can’t get their education if they are being harassed all the time,” said McCoure.|
Janice McCoure is an aunt of two students at War Junior High School in McDowell County. She says they are being verbally abused by other students.
“Brianna which is the niece has been harassed a lot from people calling her the "N" word and being called a monkey. It’s just a lot of derogatory statements towards black people,” said McCoure.
“Its just on-going and everyday they come home with something which is mostly from the school.
Mother of the children Elsie Mcdaniel says she’s always taught her kids to be turn the other cheek and walk away but she is loosing her patients for the situation.
“I'm not trying to start any trouble for anyone. I just want my children to go there to learn and not have to put up with any of the racial slurs,” said McDaniel.
NBC Six contacted the McDowell County Board of Education about the problem. They said the incidents are being investigated but at this point its more of a he said she said situation. In recent months McDowell County School have been taking a proactive approach to bullying and harassment by introducing a pilot program called Respect and Protect.
“It deals with the student code of conduct. In that code of conduct they know what to do and what they are doing to make good or bad consequences,” said Miano.
Coordinator of the Adult and Student Services at McDowell County Board of Education Bonita Miano says student safety is a number one concern.
“We're trying to do whatever we can to make sure that our students have a safe learning environment,” said Miano.
I'm so sick of AOL. Too many changes and the crap doesn't wanna work right half the time. I don't know if theres any better Internet Service out there but I'm seriously thinking of deleting my journal and whatever else I have on AOL and going some place else. A fresh start.
I just did an entry that was only three paragraphs long. I click save an get an error saying my entry was too long. Yea right!
Let me see if I can remember some of what I had written.
Cameron's been out of school for over a week because of the weather. Several of those days we were snowed in, couldn't go anywhere. We're all getting on each others nerves to say the least. Thank God it got up in the mid 40's today and melted a lot of it away.
Cameron went snow tubing over the weekend with some of his friends and just about broke his leg. He may even have a hairline fracture. We havn't been able to get out to see the Dr but he has a really bad brusie, a knot, and a gash in his leg. It's looking better every day but the knot isn't going down.
I've been feeling like crap myself. I have no energy and I can't even sweep the kitchen floor without getting so warn out that my arms and legs feel like they will literally fall off and if I devote a day to cleaning, I'm in a mess for day or two after.
Oh, and you should see me trying to carry in groceries. We have three sets of steps before you enter the house. At the top of each one I have to stop and take a break. Before the surgery, I could run up all three with both arms full of bags and then go back for more.
Since the surgery on my lung I've developed allergies and dusting puts me in an awful mess. My eyes water so much it looks like I'm crying, I sneeze my head off and theres so much drainage and mucas. It's a mess.
Plus in the mornings when I blow my nose, the tissue is full of blood and my nose feels like its on fire up inside. I mean, it hurts to breath.
Well, That's about it. I'll probably remember more after hitting save. @@
Hopeall is well.
I tell you what, with my experience of being online, I seem to never learn my lesson when it comes to believing that everyone I talk to is a good person. It's a good thing I'm not rich. I'd fall for every sob story that came along and be broke in no time.
Oh well, moving on.
So, I got my new hair a few days ago (check out new pic in about me) and wore it out in public for the first time yesterday. I felt so insecure and bugged the heck out of Robert and Cameron asking, "does this look all right?"
While out I ran into two people that know me and neither recognized me. <snicker> Both said I looked good and that the new hair suited me.
Then later at the grocery store one of Camerons friends from school pushed the shopping cart out to the car and was putting the bags in the back when he leaned down and looked through the back glass at me sitting in the car. Cameron was helping him and he asked Cameron if I was his girlfriend. Cameron said, No why and the kid said she's hot! Cameron yelled, MAN, THAT'S MY MOM!!!
LOL Talk about a swelled head! Made my day to say the least.