Wednesday, January 31, 2007

spooky pics and bald chics!

Today has been a strange day. It seems like everything is moving in slow motion.

I took some more pics of the moon through my window just a few minutes ago and I wanted to share them with you guys. I think the bottom one turned out really good. A lil blurry, but still good.

I ordered the 30 day supply of Proactiv and got it yesterday. I love the way it makes my face feel. My Aunt Janice got her some too. She's been using it for almost a week and said she could tell a big difference in her skin already. Hope it works that well for me.

My cancer treatments made me go into early menopause and because I'm considered high risk I can't take any hormone treatments. That means I just suffer and deal with whatever menopause throws at me. Up until a year or so ago I was getting used to the hot flashes, the mood swings, the depression, but then my hair started falling out. It looks just like male pattern baldness. I've asked all my Dr's to do something, anything, and they all say the same thing. The risk is too high and my hair will probably never grow back. This kills me!!

It's so bad I won't leave the house without a hat and I've been thinking about getting a wig. UGH! I hate wearing a wig! I've been to so many wig web sites and I can't find anything I like or that looks real. I can't even find something that looks like the hair I had. Then, I'm also afraid that if I do order one, I won't like it or I'll be too insecure to wear it.

Sheesh God, what did I do to deserve being boobless and hairless?



Sunday, January 28, 2007

Just thinking

I've read several journals where the authors were putting other journalers down for writing about their problems from their past or how they go on about their children messing up, or what angels they are, or their husbands being unfaithful, or just things that happened to them as a child that they're having a hard time letting go of. Like getting abused or molested.

I was molested as a child and as a teen by more than one male and female relative. If I was smart enough, I could write a book on how I feel about that.

I've read lots of journals where I didn't agree with the author, but I didn't attack them or try to make a mockery of them. Most of the time, I just moved on.

Even the journalers that write about happy stuff get accused and harassed for "lying" or "pretending" to be happy when they aren't. How asinine is that? How do these people know that a person they've never met is lying?

I've read a few journals where I thought something fishy was up and found it hard to believe them, but not once did I go to their journal and call them a liar. That's their business and they're the ones that will be held accountable for their wrong doings. They don't need me or anyone else to judge and condemn them. Don't you think?

To me that's what keeping a journal is all about. Being able to write your feelings, fears, etc. And everyone wants to be accepted, some go the extra mile to be "popular" but that's a whole nother entry. LOL

Well, that and getting comments. I'm not ashamed of saying I love comments. I'm a self acclaimed comment whore and it would hurt my feelings to spend a lot of time on an entry and then not get any comments. But hey, I'd get over it. Comments are encouraging and lots of times I would have quit journaling all together if it wasn't for a comment or an email I'd received.

I could easily write a sob story entry each time but I've been burned so many times that now I write a lot of boring crap and not really including a lot of my personal and problems from the past or present in fear of rejection or ridicule. Even now with this private journal, the fear is still there. You just never know when someone's gonna take something wrong. (Has happened a lot) Or use one of your revealing entries to make a mockery of you.

Several times I have written entries to only seconds later get an email from someone asking if I was talking about them. Since there name wasn't mentioned or to my knowledge they had done nothing to me, then why did they think I was talking about them?

A few years a go I wrote about someone lying to me. Well, I had a lady email me calling all kinds of names, and leaving comments saying I was ungrateful. I was so upset I just emailed her back saying I never knew she had lied to me and that she should be ashamed of herself for jumping the gun and insulting me in my journal without coming to me first.

I don't like drama, unless I'm not included, then I just eat it up. LOL I know, I'm terrible, but why lie? That doesn't mean I like causing it, I just enjoy following it. And, I know that even though they won't admit it, a lot more do too.

Some of you know this. I'm 38 years old now and when I was 28 I was diagnosed with an advanced aggressive cancer. The same kind that killed my Mother when she was just 32. Well, I was so distraught that I let my husband (now ex) make all the decisions for me. (BIG MISTAKE) I only had cancer in one breast but my husband and Dr felt that since I was considered high risk, I should have both breast removed.

I did...

Then less than a year later my husband left me for a much younger woman who in return left him after finding out how he did me. What blows my mind is how she found out cause I know he didn't tell her the truth.

Another thing he did was, I could have had breast reconstruction. He had a great job with benefits that covered 80% to 100% of our medical bills. I'd never gone through this before, I didn't know what his insurance covered, I didn't know what questions to ask, but a few months after being diagnosed and learning that I could get my breast redone, He gets fired for lying to his bosses, telling them he had to miss a lot of work to care for me. When the truth came out, he wasn't caring for me, I thought he was at work. His work thought he was caring for me, when he was really having an affair with a 15 year old girl (her mom approved) and was caught by one of the big bosses while they were out partying. I guess that boss didn't take too kindly to being lied to. I later heard he ripped the Ex a new butthole for not being at home with his sick wife. 

Even now years later he tells everyone he lostthe best job of his life because I had cancer and he had to stay home and care for me. Real winner, huh?

I can't even begin to tell you what losing my breast and my husband did to me inside. I'm over him now, but I not over the cancer, the surgery, and the fact that I can never, ever again feel comfortable being naked in frot of a man.  Shoot, most times I cry just looking at my own naked body in the mirror.

I think it was last year, or maybe the year before, a few people were accusing me of faking the cancer story. So, I got out my camera and posted pics of my bare, breast less, scarred chest in my journal. So many people were shocked, but did it shut them up? Oh yea! But don't you know I still had a few people say they were disappointed in me for letting those idiots push me to that point. Oh well, I wasn't ashamed (too much) and it worked.

I'm rambling and my chicken alfredo is calling my name.

til next time... :)




I finally got the nerve up to post a recent pic of my ugly mug in the about me section. Any and all negative comments are not welcomed. LOL

If you could save one animal from extinction, which one would you save? Myself, I'd wanna save the Florida Manatee. They're such gentle graceful creatures. There's too many animals to choose just one though. I wanna save them all. Could you imagine an ocean without whales? How sad would that be? Go check out the humpback ballet.

I was watching a show on TV last night and it showed the body of a whale that had died recently. Well, the divers decided to document on how long it would take the ocean scavengers to clean the carcass. It took 18 months and still there was flesh found in the skull.

Gross, but interesting.

 I love mangos and today I learned a new way to eat them. Street vendors in Mexico put a ripe mango on a stick and then peel it. They then score it into sections (on the stick) and sprinkle the fruit with lime juice, chili powder and salt. They go for $1.

When you eat a grapefruit do you put salt or sugar on it?

Check this out. In New York-Newark, NY-NJ-CT urban area, there's 185,000 more single women than men. WOW!

And in Los Angeles-Long Beach-Santa Ana urban area there's 40,000 more single men than women.

In one of the National Geographic articles I was reading, it said that by the time I would finish the magazine article, an area of Brazil's rain forest larger than 200 football fields will have been destroyed.

That makes me so sad....


Saturday, January 27, 2007


I took this photo yesterday morning. I was sitting here at my desk, looked out the window and thought, Hey,that would make a nice pic.

Turned out pretty good to be taken through a dirty window.

These grape fruit are so good, I just had to take a pic. heehee

Robert joined the Cooking Club of America last year and one of the benefits for being a life time member was this nine piece set of pots and pans that he was in the process of washing when I snapped the photo. They arrived yesterday. 

It's been bitter cold here and our heat pump has been freezing up. We've had to put it on emergency heat twice already. The land lord doesn't seem concerned.

I know I've been saying this for about four years now, but I really wanna move from here. We put an add in the paper plus Robert's been keeping an eye out for a place in all the news papers and weekly traders. 

Most places don't allow pets and I'm not giving up my dog and cat for anyone or any house. We've had the dog for about seven years now and the cat just turned a year old. I love them both. They are a part of my family.

I had to order a new keyboard from Gateway. The space bar on mine doesn't work half the time and I kept getting a zhotkey.exe error. I typed that into AOL's search bar and sure enough, others have had the same problem.

Now I'm getting a shellmon.exe error and after looking it up I learned that it's an AOL problem. A free fix was offered at the web site but I didn't take it.

I know some of you have seen this already...

My favorite baby pic of Cameron.

Gosh,that seems so long ago.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


I don't know if it's my computer or AOL but this thing is running soooooo slow! I've cleaned, scanned and defragged. Nothing helped.

Robert's Mom is taking a cruise to the Bahamas. Wish I was going with her! I pray she doesn't get food poisoning or falls over board.

When she found out she had lung cancer, she made a list of things she wanted to do and that trip is one of them. She's taking her sister with her. I hope they have the time of their lives.

I read two journals today where the authors have taken ill. Fran had a stroke and Pennie had a brain aneurysm (sp) and is scheduled for surgery tomorrow. If you pray, please think of them.

For as long as I can remember I've always wanted a subscription to the National Geographic Magazine. I FINALLY GOT IT!!! I found a years subscription offered for $15 and I took it.  

I think I've mentioned before that Robert has a serious obsession with cook books and cooking magazines. We have way too many. My dining room and living room book shelves are full of them. And God forbid if I mention getting rid of some.

Anyway, I was looking at one of them today (Gourmet) and found a bit of interesting information.

Did you know that humans instinctively begin to crave salt at the age of four months?

And corn has an extraordinary shelf life. Ten-year-old kernels will germinate, and 1,000 year old popcorn still pops!

In Colonial America, six-foot lobsters were caught near what is now New York City, flocks of birds darkened the sky for hours at a time, and five-foot codfish inhabited the waters of Maine.

Each year 70% of the U.S. supply of antibiotics ends up in animal feed.

On a typical 16th-century English warship, a sailors weekly ration of beer was about eight gallons, or roughly TEN PINTS PER DAY!

And the one that bothered me was, Since 1970, the number of dairy cows in the U.S. has dropped from 12 million to 9 million, while the amount of milk obtained from each cow has increased from 1,130 TO 2,210 PER YEAR!!

Poor cows!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

I think that bird in the pic above is a crane. We were on our way to the post office a few days ago and it was standing in the river. I tried to get close enough to get a better pic but it flew away.

It's raining and sleeting here today. I hope we don't lose power!

Robert bought us an Ionic Breeze. Do any of you own one? I'm skeptical about it. I can't see where it's doing anything other than just sitting there using up eletric.

The air inside doesn't seem cleaner to me and if it's doing it's job, then shouldn't I be able to tell that it is?

I decided not to say anything to the friend about the drama mama she's associating with. Even though she left a comment saying she would want me to tell her, Her other actions tell me it's best if I mind my own business. So, that's what I'm doing.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


Thanks Debbie for stopping by and leaving all the great comments.  It's good to be back in touch with you. You were missed!

I've been contacted by one of my ex husbands ex's, again. Last time didn't go so well because she was being two faced with me to get to my ex. She contacted me today through my yahoo 360 page. She also commented on Cameron's yahoo 360 page that was just made late last night.

I think she's been stalking me.

She's full of animosity toward me and Cameron because Cameron gets child support and she doesn't.

She has a child by the ex too. A beautiful little girl named Callie.

She's waiting for him to pay the support on his own and that's not gonna happen. She has to take him to court, just like I did.

She thinks she can guilt him into paying. Not gonna happen. He has no heart and does not care about the children.

Her daughter is three years old and has never met her Dad. That should tell her everything she needs to know.

Here's the message she left me on yahoo.

"do you remember me?? from about a few years ago? your sons half sisters mom!!?"

Now, you might not see it but that little sentence is over flowing with sarcasm.

I left her a nice comment in her journal. (honestly)

I liked her before but when it comes to the ex, she really gets psychotic. She says she don't want him back but from the way she acts, she doesn't want anyone else to have him either.

All that time and energy she puts into (fooling herself) making him miserable when he isn't worth it. What a waste! There is nothing good, at all, about the man.

I'd put him behind me and put all that energy into my daughter and our life together. He's making his own bed and will soon be lying in it, alone.

Monday, January 15, 2007


I like my little punky mood thingymajigger in my about me section. I can change my mood whenever I want.

Anyway, I stole it from someone else's journal. You can snag it from me if you want.

It was beautiful here yesterday, or so I heard. I slept most of it away. Stayed up too late and felt like crap all day. Other than that, it was a good day.

Called my baby brother and wished him a happy birthday. Told him I'd like to spend more time with him since we've been out of touch for so long. He acted strange. Then later when the conversation was ending I heard a click on the line like someone had been listening and hung up too quick.

He just turned 29 and still lives on the property of the people that adopted and raised him. He doesn't live in the house with them, but it is on the ranch and close enough to the main house for them to keep a close eye on him.

He likes to party and they are church goin folk. They monitor his friends, visitors, etc, so I wouldn't be surprised if our conversation was being listened to.

I can see their side to though. At his age he shouldn't even be living there and it's not like he hasn't had opportunities to better himself because he has.

When he turned 18 he got the money our Mom had left for us to receive on our 18th birthday. It had been sitting in the bank drawing interest for 15 years and he had accrued enough to get him a home and a decent ride. But instead, he partied it all away.

Which I can't really say anything about him because when I turned 18 and got my money,it was... PARTY TIME! LOL

I did get myself a car though and first chance I got I registered for Job Corps and moved away from everyone to another city.

I thought I had done something really good. I thought I was gonna make something of myself and I was trying really hard in my classes and having the time of my life until one day my guidance counselor called me in his office and told me I had a letter from home.

It was from my aunt Debbie. My favorite person in the entire world at the time and the only family member that ever treated me like family. I was so excited with just the fact that someone cared enough to write me. I remember watching the other girls on our floor getting mail and care packages and in the beginning I would cry because I never got anything, but I got over it and stopped looking for anything, especially a care package.

I had never heard of a care package before then and I was 18 years old.

I had never been to a Mall and I had never seen, let a lone ridden, an esculator. (sp) I made a darn fool of myself that day but boy did we have fun.

Some of the girls would share their care package goodies with me. That's also when I discovered ramen noodles. Love those things. Especially the oriental blend.

But anyway,back to the letter. It was a long letter.Two pages, front and back. She tried to say how proud she was of me and that she wanted me to succeed and prove everyone wrong because ALL of the family was making a joke out of me going back to school and making bets on how long I would last before I came back looking for someone to take me in because I was never gonna amount to anything.

When I read that it was like it had sucked all of the joy and drive from my body and soul. I didn't care about anything anymore, including myself, because I knew no one else did either.

This is one of those times when Robert says I'm ass backwards because that should have made me want to prove them wrong.

But it didn't...


Sunday, January 14, 2007

Happy Birthday

The next coming months means lots of birthdays in my family. Three this coming week. One is my first cousin "Papa Smurf". His real name is Michael. I'm closer to him than any of my three brothers. He turns 41 today and Friday night while on the phone with him he demands and threatens that I better not forget to call him on his birthday.

I didn't say this to him but, Excuse the hell outta me, I don't recall getting a phone call from you in the past 38 years. ppfft!

Yes, I'll call him! @@

I always do what I can to keep my family happy. Their happiness equals my "acceptance".



Thursday, January 11, 2007

Sweet Tea and Snow pics

This is the 4th time in three days that I have tried to post an entry. Each time I go into MY PICTURES and save a photo, AOL shuts down causing me to lose everything. I finally gave in and used note pad to save my entry before adding the photo's. Good thing cause it shut down again.

Got another post card from Dawn today and it's beautiful! Gulf Coast, Wish I was there!!  Thanks Dawn!

A few days ago we woke up to a heavy snow. It started at 8am after Cameron had left for school. By noon he was walking down the driveway. School had let out early because of the weather and the bus wouldn't bring the kids up on the mountain. Which is a good thing but no one knew to go pick their kids up so they had to walk 2 plus miles up the mountain, depending on where they live, to get home. Plus it was snowing and we had strong winds. Luckily Cameron caught a ride.

A cell phone would be nice in times like that.


Our local WalMart allegedly had a bomb threat a few days ago. I couldn't find anything about in the online papers. So whether it's true or not, I have no idea. But I heard that the employees had to stand in the parking lot from around 7pm until after midnight, in the cold, while they searched with dogs for a bomb they never found.

If someone you know that is a good decent person is becoming friends with someone else that you know is not a good person, (drama whore, evil, liar, and two faced) would you say anything to warn the decent person?

I wanna warn them, but I don't wanna get involved either. Been there before and regretted it in the end.

If it was you, would you want me to warn you or mind my own business?


                      Southern Sweet Tea Recipe

Boil 4 cups water to hard boil. remove from heat and add 2 or 3 family size tea bags until dark. Luizzane (sp) is best since it doesn't cloud as easily in cold water. Add 1 cup of sugar. Stir, add 4 cups cold water. Serve over ice.

Saturday, January 6, 2007

photo's by Cameron

adding pics

Looks like I've found a new (for me) way to add pics to my journal and it is soooooo easy!

Here's what I did. In keywords I typed in "MY PICTURES" Then I installed the program which only took a few minutes on dial up and it's free! ~gasp~

All ya gotta do then is upload the pic you wanna post (if it's not already there), then copy and paste the photo to your journal entry. WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snow pics from last year.

The house below belongs to some people that live on the other side of the MTN from me.

Me and my sister back in 1992


This (copied and pasted below) happened yesterday and today I was up calling family members to see if they were in jail this morning.

 How sad is that?


Counties target drugs

Bluefield Daily Telegraph

WELCH (MY HOMETOWN) A two-state operation Friday targeted close to 100 suspects on drug-related charges between McDowell and Buchanan counties, officials said.

In McDowell County, officials had arrested 42 of 47 individuals as of late Friday evening on delivery, conspiracy and fugitive from justice charges, Sheriff Danny Mitchell said. In Buchanan County,(WHERE I WAS BORN) officials had arrested 31 of 52 individuals indicted on drug-related charges as of late Friday, Sheriff Ray Foster said.

Authorities in both counties were still searching for individuals late Friday.

“If you live in McDowell County, (YEP, THAT'S WHERE I LIVE) and you are selling drugs, you’ve got three choices — quit, move, or go to jail,” Mitchell said. “It’s that simple. I’m not going to give up.”

The drug roundup in McDowell County was completed in cooperation with the McDowell County Sheriff’s Department, the West Virginia State Police Welch Detachment, and the Southern Regional Drug and Violent Crimes Task Force. Mitchell said the majority of the arrests were in the Bradshaw and Panther communities. The sheriff’s department set up a staging area at the Bradshaw Town Hall, and the Panther Volunteer Fire Department, where individuals were processed after being arrested.

Mitchell said officials used two buses provided by the Stevens Correctional Center to transport the individuals arrested back to Welch.

In Virginia, the Buchanan County 29th Circuit Regional Drug Task Force served more than 150 drug-related indictments on 52 different individuals with assistance from the Virginia State Police, the Grundy Police Department, and authorities across the state line in McDowell County.

“The more we work together, the more we can accomplish in the war on drugs,” Foster said. “We are all in this together. We all have family to protect, children or grandchildren that attend our schools, travel our roads and play in our neighborhoods. We can all make a difference if we work toward the same goal — stop the drugs.”

Drugs, firearms and cash were recovered as part of the Virginia-side operation, Sgt. Michael Conroy, of the Virginia State Police, said.

“The majority of the arrests were within Buchanan County,” Conroy said. “We did have some that spilled into West Virginia.”

Conroy said the majority of the Virginia-side charges involved the distribution of prescription narcotics.

The arrests started at 7 a.m. in McDowell County.

“Just about all of them were arrested at their residences,” Mitchell said. “Everything went really smooth. There were hardly any problems at all. I was amazed at how smoothly it went.”

Mitchell said the war on drugs continues in McDowell County with assistance from the governor’s office and the Appalachian High Intensity Drug Trafficking agency.

“This is a partial result of a year-long investigation conducted by the Southern Regional Drug and Violent Crimes Task Force and the McDowell County Sheriff’s Department,” Mitchell said. “In those two areas, it is going to make a big dent. Drug investigations and more arrests are pending.”

Mitchell said the citizens of McDowell County are asked to help fight the war against drugs.

“We must continue to urge our citizens to get involved,” Mitchell said. “Make the anonymous phone calls, send in those anonymous drug dealer ads, or just continue to write letters to the state police and task force. They (concerned citizens) have played a big part in this and we greatly appreciate it.”

Foster said the drug roundup in Virginia included all areas of Buchanan County.

Conroy said members of the Buchanan County 29th Circuit Regional Drug Task Force welcome any citizen tips received on suspected drug activity.

“By having community support we are more effective in identifying and arresting drug dealers,” Conroy said. “We encourage people who witness suspected drug activity to report those incidents to the state police by calling 1-800-553-3673, or by calling our local partners. Every tip counts.”

Conroy said the task force opened more than 140 cases and made more than 134 felony arrests between July 2005 and August 2006.

In McDowell County, Mitchell said the town of Bradshaw and the Panther Volunteer Fire Department also provided critical assistance Friday by allowing authorities to utilize their facilities as staging areas.

Mitchell said individuals were still being arraigned late Friday in magistrate court on the drug-related charges.

McDowell County Commission President Gordon Lambert said Friday’s drug roundup will help, adding the county’s war on drugs is one of the key issues officials hope to discuss with lawmakers in Charleston on Jan. 17 as part of the second annual McDowell County Day at the Legislature program.

Friday, January 5, 2007


I hate putting pics in like this but the aol file manager still doesn't wanna work for me. I keep getting a gateway error page.

thinking out loud

I wonder if there's a medical term for someone who does everything ass backwards? If there is, I have it. LOL I have a hard time expressing myself too. I'll get emails from people and you would think I'd been ordered to do brain surgery. I sit here and get myself all worked up because I can't think of what to say. And I know people take my short replies and sometimes no replies as me not wanting to be bothered with them but that's not the case at all. I love getting emails and I love getting comments but for some reason, my brain goes dead and I just don't know what to say. Sometimes, I'll save an email for weeks waiting for the moment when I'll be able to reply to that person with something besides one or two words. Often, they never get it. If you're reading and you've emailed me before and never got a response or you got a short response, please believe me, it wasn't you or anything you did or said, it's all me and my inability to communicate like an edumacated adult.