Sunday, March 4, 2007

Death X's 2

I think someone said there was a lunar eclipse tonight I dunno, I could be mistaking. I do believe there's a full moon though. I haven't checked but I'd almost bet on it. It's been a crazy sad day.

My 1st cousin Stephen (Batman) Chaffins died today. Well, it's after midnight so it was technically yesterday morning. Anyway, he overdosed on pills. Hydrocodone and Xanax. No one but his wife Tammy knows if it was intentional or not but she'll never tell because just a few hours ago she was found dead in front of the TV with his empty pill bottles on the floor next to her, that was just filled March 1st.

They had been married less than a month.

God have mercy on their souls.

I have to go and be there for them because they are closer to me than any of my other family members and I think the world of them. Stephen didn't have any life insurance and I've been asked to help raise some money for the funeral and burial. I was also reminded that when my father passed away and he had no life insurance, they stepped in and took care of everything. And they did, even a head stone. And I appreciated it even though I didn't ask for it. I would have handled things if I had been asked or given the chance. But I wasn't. I was told, everything was under control. Not to worry about it.

I'm scared to death. I don't know what to do or how to start. I have trouble asking for money for myself, let alone someone else. God, that sounds selfish but I don't mean it to be. I'm not good with people and begging makes it worse.

It was suggested that I have a Hot Dog sale and donate the proceeds but I don't know. I don't have but like $100 to my name and I haven't bought any of my own supplies and food items.

Any and all suggestions would be appreciated.

I know I'm not gonna make enough to pay for the entire cost of things but I would like to get at least my money and $100 or more. Gosh, Hot Dogs, buns, chili and fixings for at least 200 people, that's a lot of money. Anybody got a calculator?

I just keep thinking, two people dead, their souls most likely condemned to Hell, all over a pill, a high.

It's sad. And the sadder part is this makes the third person to die in the same rental lot withinthe past two years.

And Stephens left behind a young son who is now Fatherless all for nothing other than a selfish act.


I'm wore out and I haven't even started.

Do I sound as cold and selfish as I think I do?


Friday, March 2, 2007


I finally got my Valentines Day gift. It took almost three weeks to get it back from being resized. I sat here for what seemed like forever trying to get a clear pic of it so you guys could see it. The pics above are the best I could get before getting aggravated and giving up.

My visit with Cameron's Principal on Monday didn't go so well. Cameron was suspended for three days causing him to miss a test they were having that counted as half of his grade. The reason he was suspended was for destroying school property by tearing the eraser out of his pencil, refusing to do an assignment, and cursing.

Should Cameron have been punished for that? Yes! Should he have been suspended? NO! Especially when there's kids at the school getting caught smoking in the bathroom on a daily basis and they are yet to get anything besides a warning or in school suspension.

Put my truck in the shop yesterday and got the break line fixed plus new breaks. Picked it up today and was hoping to get out of the house for a while but that didn't work out.

Cameron and I both spent most of yesterday at the Dr's office. Neither of us got good news. He's showing signs of I think she called it pre-diabetes plus his blood pressure has been high the last two visits. He's 6'4 and 265 pounds. When you try to talk to him about how he eats or losing some weight, he says he doesn't care. Thank God for fear and common sense or I'd ring his neck. LOL

Me and my problems, I'm not even gonna go into it. I'm so sick of going to Dr's and on top of all the others I see, I now have two more.

The Dr I saw yesterday suggested I reapply for disability. So, here we go with this again. I've been turned down 4 times within the last couple of years and there's so much paper work. This time, I'm getting a lawyer so maybe that'll help.

If it wasn't for needing the income and wanting to support myself instead of depending on Robert, I wouldn't even bother. 

I do know one thing for certain though, if I am approved this time, I plan on taking what I want and need and then walkingoff and leaving the rest behind, including Robert.  I've asked him to leave several times and he refuses so what other choice do I have than to leave myself.

I don't care how good he is to me, if he isn't good to my child and I do nothing about it then what kind of Mother am I to stay with him?

Every single time Cameron gets into trouble in school Robert gets hateful with me and Cameron and doesn't stop until he blows up calling Cameron names like stupid, dumbass, or fat fuck.  Then he tells me how sorry of a Mom I am, That if it was his kid he'd put his foot in Cameron's ass. Or he compares my parenting to his ex wifes parenting. Well, his ex wife had a daughter, not a son and there is a difference.

He told me once that he was stupid for leaving his ex wife because she was a hell of a better woman than I am. My answer to that was, if she was all that, why did you leave her in the first place and why don't you take your ass back to her? Oh wait, I know why, because she won't have your sorry fat ass.