Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The "get together"

Our family reunion was a little awkward and uncomfortable. The air was full of tension and it seemed to be more than the expected nervousness.

Everyone arrived late.

Cameron and I walked in and Vanessa, Aimee, and Renee were sitting at the table talking and looking at pictures. Everyone else was in the kitchen busy chatting and laughing.

I walked over and hugged Vanessa and Aimee then sat down at the table with them. Every time I went to speak Vanessa would interrupt me. Not wanting to cause a scene, I let it go and directed my attention else where until I heard Vanessa ask Renee if she knew for sure who Aimee's real father was.

Renee looked my way and I could feel my face start to burn. It embarrassed me.

I think myself and Renee were the only adults there that wasn't drinking. She seemed like a nice person. Her husband was nicer. More out going and friendly. They both seem to think the world of Aimee and spoil her rotten.

We took a lot of pics. I came home and printed off two 8x10's and put them in frames then wrapped them up and gave Vanessa and Aimee each a picture of them together, hugging.

I never got to spend any one on one time with Aimee and she's quiet or shy. She never spoke hardly until someone asked her a question. We've promised to stay in touch through the phone and the computer. Plus I might get to see her again at Christmas.

Vanessa said she had to pass a drug test this past Monday in order to get custody of the baby. She hasn't called to tell me the results but I already know what they are. She was smoking weed while I was there this weekend.

Her and Ace, her boyfriend had to borrow a friends vehicle and money to come see Aimee. While there they got into a big argument about money because she wanted beer and he told her it was either beer or getting back home. She wanted the beer anyway.

My cousin had to let them borrow enough money to make it home with.

He already wasn't a very happy camper because no one told him or asked him if it was OK about the plans to meet up at his house to begin with.

My sister used to be so beautiful and now she looks pale, washed out and sick. I bet she doesn't weigh 80 pounds soak n wet. She's killing herself.

Monday, November 27, 2006

family reunion photo's

I'll write about it later.

How many of me

LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?


There were 1500 named Lahoma.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I hope your day was filled with the people you love and lots of good food.

It was just the three of us again this year. No one I invited wanted to come. Their loss! We had a great meal even if Robert waited too late to start the turkey, again. I think next year I'll do all the cooking.

I told him last night to put the turkey on as early as he possibly could because I wanted to get everything else in the oven and done in time for us to eat and I could still have time to go visit with family.

He didn't get the tukey in the oven until well after noon and we didn't get to eat until 7 pm. So, I've been a grouch all day. :) Oh, and I told his Mom that for Christmas, I wanted her to come get him. She said, "send him C.O.D.".  

Cameron and I put our lil Christmas tree up today. Only took a few minutes since it's just 4 ft tall.

My sister is on her way here from Ohio. Cameron and I'll be meeting up with her at our cousins house tomorrow and seeing my neice and her daughter for the first time in 11 years. I'll take lots of pics. Or, at least I hope to. I've had a bad feeling ever since this was planned and there has been certain topics brought up that my sister isn't comfortable with. Like her lying.

Then I found out today that my cousin knew nothing about my sister planning to come in and stay with them or the fact that we were all planning to meet up at my cousins house. She never called to see if it was ok or anything. So, cross your fingers for me and hope this all goes well. When you get drunks together like my cousin and sister, anything could happen.


Sunday, November 19, 2006

The prayer quilt in the photo above was sent to me by my friend Wayne who I've known online for about four years or longer now. He, along with his wife and daughter made it for me and prayed over each block.

I love it.

For those that don't know, When I mention Robert, he's my companion and Cameron is my 16 year old son.

When Cameron does something wrong, like take the truck and wreck it, Robert treats me like I'm the child being punished.

I can't even put into words how that makes me feel. :(

13 years ago my sister Vanessa had a baby girl she named Aimee. She and Aimee lived with me from the time Aimee was born up until she was almost three years old. Then my sister left, moved to another state and gave Aimee up for adoption.

We hadn't seen or heard from Aimee since, until a few days ago I got a call from my cousin who said, "Guess who's standing in my living room?"

It was Aimee and she wanted to talk to me and Cameron.

When they lived with us, her and Cameron were like brother and sister. He took care of her when her mommy couldn't or wouldn't.

I'd come home from working third shift and Vanessa would be gone. My (ex) husband had to be at work two hours before I got home and the kids would be there by themselves.

Cameron told me one morning that Vanessa locks Aimee in her room and leaves her there. Then when he gets up, if Vannesa is gone, he'd let Aimee out and they'd have breakfast and watch TV together.

She was 2 1/2 and he was 6.

I came home too many times to find them alone.

That's why she took Aimee and moved away. She said she couldn't live with me because I was too controlling and bossy. 

Aimee lives in NC now with the family that adopted her. She's happy and beautiful but like anyone else who was given up for adoption, she has lots of questions. I gave her Vanessa's phone number.

First time Vanessa talks to her in all these years and she lies to her.

Vanessa had another baby a few months ago. She went the entire 9 months without any pre natal care. When the baby was born, they discovered that Vanessa had been using during her pregnancy and she never got to bring the baby home.

She told Aimee that she had a baby, but it was conveniently with a sitter each time Aimee called. Why would a new born need to be with a sitter outside the home? Especially since Vanessa doesn't have a job. Why even tell her about the baby if she's gonna lie about it?

But anyway, Aimee has called here every day since we got back in touch. Her and Cameron would talk for hours if I let them. We're gonna go see her either Wedsday or Thursday.

I stole some pics of her from her myspace page. (see above)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Bad week

It's been a really bad week here that started Sunday night. Robert and I came home from running some errands and picking up dinner to find my truck and Cameron gone. He doesn't have a permit so he isn't allowed to even sit in the truck with the keys, let a lone drive it. I helped Robert bring in the bags then I checked the phone for messages. Sure enough there was a message from my neighbor Tena saying that Cameron was at her house and for me to call her.

I called and asked to speak to Cameron. He got on the phone and I started yelling at him about driving my truck without my permission and told him to get it home, NOW!

Tena was still on the other line and she spoke up and said, Lahoma, Cameron has something to tell you. He kept saying, Mom, promise me you won't kill me. I screamed at him some more and told him to say what he had to say then get his ass and my truck home. He finally said, Mom, I wrecked the truck!

I went off! I didn't wanna hear anymore. I didn't even ask him if he was hurt. I hung up and called the police. They didn't come. Instead, the 911 operator tried to talk me out of pressing charges on him. Then when I finally got it through to her that I wanted to speak to an officer, she had one call me. He tried to talk me out of it too and then turned me over to another officer. I told that officer that, no, I didn't wanna do this to my son but that he doesn't listen to me and flat out does what he wants because he's so much bigger than I am and thinks that because he's too big to get his butt busted that there's nothing else I can do other than ground him. BUT, that I had to do this because he has to be taught a lesson.

So, they filed the report and said they would turn it over to the prosecuting attorney and it would be up to them what happens. And that Cameron would probably only be charged with joy riding. My luck, he'll get a slap on the wrist and I'll be the only one punished by paying out the rear in court cost.

Cameron didn't even get a scratch on him, but when Robert and I went to where the truck was and I saw just how bad of a wreck it was, I broke down and started crying. He could have easily been killed and the only thing that saved him was a tree. He got too close to the edge of the mountain to pass a car and the tires slipped sending the truck over the mountain and into a roll. Thank God for that tree or he would have rolled at least a half a mile to the bottom and I'd buried my son this week.

I tried to post the pics in here so you could get a good look at the damage but I keep having problems with aol file manager. So, you'll have to click view larger to get a better look.

Along with having to go to court he's also grounded from EVERYTHING for a month. All he gets to do is go to school, come home and sit in his room to only come out for food and the bathroom.

Robert's giving me hell and telling me it's my fault because I'm not harder on Cameron. That the punishment doesn't fit the crime. That I need to pack Cameron's "rags" and send him to his Dad's.  That I need to lock Cameron out of the house whenever we go some where. That I need to sell everything Cameron owns and make him pay to fix the truck. Which, I would be willing to do that but all Cameron has is a TV and a Playstation. Both of those together wouldn't even begin to fix the truck.

Robert acts like Cameron should be condemned for life.

Cameron has said over and over that he is sorry. That he has learned his lesson. Someone asked him what lesson did he learn and he said, To listen to my Mom when she says no because it's for a good reason.

Whether he's saying that because he thinks it's what I wanna hear or not is another thing. But still, I don't think it's right to treat him or talk to him daily like he has commited the worlds worst sin.

Robert even said, Well, there goes your Christmas. Which I thought was a good idea at the time but the more I think about it the more I don't wanna do that. I will not sit there and open presents Christmas morning in front of him and him not having a gift. I don't care how expensive his mistake was. If he doesn't have a Christmas, none of us will.

The next day I hugged Cameron and told him that even though I was mad enough to take everything he has, even his bed, I was thankful he was alive and still here with me. He said, I know Mom, I messed up and I'm lucky to be alive.

What would you guys do? And be honest, please! Should I sell his things and take Christmas away from him? I'm thinking that maybe I'll sell his TV so I can at least give Robert the $100 back that it cost to get the truck pulled out.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Fish and Babies

My Grandma used to say, "it's raining like pouring piss out of a boot." Meaning, it's raining hard. That's what it's doing here now and it just started about 30 mins ago. Before that, it was a beautiful warm sunny day that begged the windows to open.

We weren't allowed to call our Granny anything that sounded like Grandma. We were to call her Mommy or MommyNay. Her youngest daughter, (my aunt) Janice is the same way. I don't understand it. I'd be proud to be a grandmother, as long as it doesn't happen before I am at least 50.  : 0)

A while back in the journal I deleted, I had written about dreaming of fish and that MommyNay always said, " SOMEONE'S GONNA HAVE A BABY" if you dream of fish. I had told Robert about the dream and about the pregnancy theory. (sp) He scoffed and made fun of it. Well, about two, maybe three weeks later Janice called and said Dewayne (her son) and Tonya were gonna have a baby.

Robert still laughs and say's "ya'll are silly."

Friday, November 10, 2006

First entry

I've wanted to start this first entry for some time now but couldn't. I can't stand for anyone to read over my shoulder.

I set my new computer and desk up in the dining room and right behind me are the table and chairs. It's also where Robert sits, whenever he's sitting.

I can't get a minute of privacy unless I do it while he's sleeping. Like now! LOL

Well, I kinda missed keeping a journal and since I couldn't really be me in a public one, I figured I'd try private again and be particular of who I allow to read it.

It's not like I have any big secrets. I'd just like to be able to write about my simple life without getting ridiculed.

I've had a cough for over two months that I can't get rid of. I've taken two different antibiotics and nothing has worked.

My landlord knows how easily I catch colds and things so he called yesterday to tell me that his kids and wife has a stomach virus and he wanted to warn me and for me to stick the rent on the outside of the door so he didn't have to come in direct contact with me.

And I was scared to death it would either blow away or someone would steal it. LOL

I've started my Christmas shopping. Thank God for lay away!

Anyone remember me bitching about the landlord taking my (it's really his LOL) kitchen island for his own home? Well, Robert bought me another one. :)

For the past several months Robert's been getting work done to his car. A few days ago he paid over $200 to get the passenger side mirror replaced. The very next day he backs out of the driveway, hits a pole and breaks the mirror off again.

Why do men get mad and take it out on the car when they screw up? Are they all like that?

After he calmed down he was so pitiful I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He said he almost cried. I probably would have!

This was Cameron's first year of not going trick or treating. He wanted to but I told him he was too old. He's 16! Then later I told him he could go if Franky, our neighbor went. Franky didn't go and I knew he wouldn't. He had told me earlier that he was staying home so he could talk to his GF on the phone. heehee

We didn't have any kids come by, again! Oh well, more candy for us!

Ever notice the older you get the faster time seems to go by?
There's only 50 some days left in this year.