Saturday, October 13, 2007

feelings....

When you're already feeling bad/depressed and someone shows you sympathy, does it make you cry? It does me. Sometimes I can fight it off, but not always. I'm the same way when getting a compliment. I never know what to say and instead of saying thank you, I blurt out, you liar! or, you either need glasses or your're drunk. ")


I saw Dr. Craig for a checkup on Wednesday. He didn't seem as enthusiastic this time as all the others. Kinda scared me a little. I go back November 11 so they can check the nicotine levels in my blood,to make sure I've quit. :) I CAN DO THIS!


Since I can't be around second hand smoke either, Robert has to quit. We'll see...



We were on 79 N when Robert saw this and told me to grab the camera. It cracked me up until I started wondering if it was a real person. Nah, it couldn't be. Could it?


I've been really sick. I don't have the strength to stand up long enough to cook a meal. Even bathing myself wears me out. My house is a mess and it drives me crazier than anything else!! They say it's the chemo and that it'll get better, but I don't know. It  wasn't this bad before. I just hope that I don't have to take anymore.


My great uncle Wendel Littles died of cancer a few days ago. Even though I wasn't close to him, I had a really hard time with it. Mostly because he had been prayed over and he believed he was healed and yet he died anyway.


My hair is coming back, slowly but surely!


I weigh 107 lbs and down to a size 3. I wouldn't mind this weight if I could just get toned up.


Everyone says I look awful, and I do.


God Bless everyone!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

((Lahoma)) I know you are going through a rough time and I wish I could make it easier for you. I pray for you and Kim every night...I know God listens to heartfelt prayers. Try to stay strong baby...love, Sandi

Anonymous said...

Good to hear from you Lahoma...I don't know what to say about that foot on that truck...It looks so real...Looks like to me the driver would be scared someone would call a trooper to him!
Hope you get to feeling better and stronger everyday!
love ya,
carlene

Anonymous said...

Don't be discouraged about the Uncle who passed.  I believe in the power of what you say and have learned alot from preachers Charles Capps and Kenneth E. Hagin on the subject.  Maybe instead of repeating scriptures his confession was doubt and unbelief.  Maybe when he was younger he'd said he didn't believe he'd live till whatever age, or he repeatedly said he'd get cancer like his relative so and so... he surely didn't deserve it, but he opened a door for it and not knowing how to close it he passed on with it. I do believe it is still God's will to heal us.  From ANYTHING.  Everyone has to die sometime if the Lord doesn't return for us first and the important thing is if we have given our heart totally to Him and have been saved and living for Him.  Then, whatever happens it will be alright.
If only I was closer, I'd come and do your housework for you and let you rest.  You're always going to look beautiful to me because you're my friend and what's on the inside is what counts. Man! The weight thing!  Drink a SLIMFAST it has a lot of calores or a BOOST.  It helps get you your nutrients.
Love you from GA,
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/PrayingandBelieving/

Anonymous said...

Aw sweetie.  People just dont know what to say, you know?  And dont worry about crying...it is an emotional release, and we usually feel better afterwards, you know?  Anyway,  you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love you,
Connie

Anonymous said...

Lahoma - don't stress.  Stress will kill you.  What is more important, a clean house or your health?  I mean, I don't like a mess either, but if you're not getting any help at home, then you need to do it on your own time.

Another thought would be to ask Cameron if he knows of someone at school who would want to make a few dollars helping you out.  May not be much in pay but it is something to consider.

When I feel sad and someone shows me sympathy, it only makes me cry sometimes.  Mostly I'm just grateful to the other person for listening.  As for accepting compliments, you need a good dose of self-esteem my dear!!!! :)

About feeling sick, perhaps it is a different mix of chemo than last time.  I just pray that it is a sign that it is working.

I'm sorry about your uncle.  I wouldn't feel defeated about his belief of being healed.  Perhaps his praying gave him a little more time than he would have if he hadn't had his belief in God.  That is the thing - we never know what The Big Sky Daddy has planned for any of us.  I guess it depends on your views - do you view death as a "sending off" or a "going Home"???

We had a death in the family too.  A second cousin of mine.  He was only 33.  Oddly enough, Nelishia said that her kids used to play with Omar and his brother Jonathan when she lived in that part of KY.  Small world!

Please get some rest my dear friend.  Learn not to sweat the small stuff and concentrate on getting better.

Much love and hugs!
Sheila

Anonymous said...

Focus more on the future and fight with true hope to see the rest of the world. You will win this war. When it gets hard, picture yourself healthy, walking down a golden beach or hiking up ridge to watch the salmon-magneta sunset reflect off the canyon walls, a short vacation from the stress and depression. Prayers are with you and there is belief, hope, compassion and unconditional love in each one. Give thanks for the knowledge and wisdom each day brings.
Do what you can each day and when it seems your done, try doing just a little more and soak in your accomplishment of going beyond.

Anonymous said...

Lahoma, I can't believe I missed this entry! I have been slack again but I always read yours...Im so sorry! Yes if I am depressed or ill I do want to cry at sympathy and in order not to I get all abrupt. My dear friend in France has worries about her husband and she gets all abrasive ...but I know her!...she is worried! All I can say my dear friend is...you can only go up! You are so down in the dumps and so fragile but I have a feeling your stubborn streak will emerge when it is ready! Sod the house, you just get fit again and well done on the no smoking, it's a hard thing to do...Im proud of ya! big hugs and kisses and apologies again...love Linda xx