It's been a really bad week here that started Sunday night. Robert and I came home from running some errands and picking up dinner to find my truck and Cameron gone. He doesn't have a permit so he isn't allowed to even sit in the truck with the keys, let a lone drive it. I helped Robert bring in the bags then I checked the phone for messages. Sure enough there was a message from my neighbor Tena saying that Cameron was at her house and for me to call her.
I called and asked to speak to Cameron. He got on the phone and I started yelling at him about driving my truck without my permission and told him to get it home, NOW!
Tena was still on the other line and she spoke up and said, Lahoma, Cameron has something to tell you. He kept saying, Mom, promise me you won't kill me. I screamed at him some more and told him to say what he had to say then get his ass and my truck home. He finally said, Mom, I wrecked the truck!
I went off! I didn't wanna hear anymore. I didn't even ask him if he was hurt. I hung up and called the police. They didn't come. Instead, the 911 operator tried to talk me out of pressing charges on him. Then when I finally got it through to her that I wanted to speak to an officer, she had one call me. He tried to talk me out of it too and then turned me over to another officer. I told that officer that, no, I didn't wanna do this to my son but that he doesn't listen to me and flat out does what he wants because he's so much bigger than I am and thinks that because he's too big to get his butt busted that there's nothing else I can do other than ground him. BUT, that I had to do this because he has to be taught a lesson.
So, they filed the report and said they would turn it over to the prosecuting attorney and it would be up to them what happens. And that Cameron would probably only be charged with joy riding. My luck, he'll get a slap on the wrist and I'll be the only one punished by paying out the rear in court cost.
Cameron didn't even get a scratch on him, but when Robert and I went to where the truck was and I saw just how bad of a wreck it was, I broke down and started crying. He could have easily been killed and the only thing that saved him was a tree. He got too close to the edge of the mountain to pass a car and the tires slipped sending the truck over the mountain and into a roll. Thank God for that tree or he would have rolled at least a half a mile to the bottom and I'd buried my son this week.
I tried to post the pics in here so you could get a good look at the damage but I keep having problems with aol file manager. So, you'll have to click view larger to get a better look.
Along with having to go to court he's also grounded from EVERYTHING for a month. All he gets to do is go to school, come home and sit in his room to only come out for food and the bathroom.
Robert's giving me hell and telling me it's my fault because I'm not harder on Cameron. That the punishment doesn't fit the crime. That I need to pack Cameron's "rags" and send him to his Dad's. That I need to lock Cameron out of the house whenever we go some where. That I need to sell everything Cameron owns and make him pay to fix the truck. Which, I would be willing to do that but all Cameron has is a TV and a Playstation. Both of those together wouldn't even begin to fix the truck.
Robert acts like Cameron should be condemned for life.
Cameron has said over and over that he is sorry. That he has learned his lesson. Someone asked him what lesson did he learn and he said, To listen to my Mom when she says no because it's for a good reason.
Whether he's saying that because he thinks it's what I wanna hear or not is another thing. But still, I don't think it's right to treat him or talk to him daily like he has commited the worlds worst sin.
Robert even said, Well, there goes your Christmas. Which I thought was a good idea at the time but the more I think about it the more I don't wanna do that. I will not sit there and open presents Christmas morning in front of him and him not having a gift. I don't care how expensive his mistake was. If he doesn't have a Christmas, none of us will.
The next day I hugged Cameron and told him that even though I was mad enough to take everything he has, even his bed, I was thankful he was alive and still here with me. He said, I know Mom, I messed up and I'm lucky to be alive.
What would you guys do? And be honest, please! Should I sell his things and take Christmas away from him? I'm thinking that maybe I'll sell his TV so I can at least give Robert the $100 back that it cost to get the truck pulled out.
8 comments:
Well, I have already given you my opinion. However, IMHO, this isn't Robert's place to meddle. It should be up to the bio-parent to take these matters into their own hands and deal with the child. That comes from everything I've read about step-parenting. And believe me, I've done a lot of reading and talking to other step-parents.
I would hide the keys though, or at the very least, lock them up where Cameron can't get at them. Honestly, it is tempting. How do I know this? Because at 14, and both parents working, dad with the company car and mom with her own, my girlfriend and I went to my house for lunch. I knew where the spare keys were to the extra car (73 Dodge Dart which later became mine legally). Dad drove the extra car outside of work. We only took it around the block twice. I parked it where it had been and thought no one was the wiser. That is, until we were getting ready to walk to school and the neighbor woman came out and asked me why I wasn't taking the car!!!! After I moved out of the house, I finally told mom about it. But still...the temptation was there. The only thing that stopped me from doing it again was fear that my parents would find out. But, you say, pretty much, that Cameron has no fear of you. So, what would be stopping him from doing it again after all of this blows over?
As for Christmas, I couldn't take that away from him. Trying to pay Robert back the $100 would be good though. That way he can't complain about it.
Anyhow, regardless, I hope Cameron is okay and truly learned his lesson. There will come a time for driver's ed and a permit and eventually a license, but he needs to learn how to be responsible first. Driving isn't a right, its a priviledge.
Love you and hope you're doing better after all of this.
Sheila
PS - I know I don't have kids and maybe my advice i
Ah Lahoma the pains and joys of motherhood! Priorities first, thank God he's okay. Hate those mountain roads anyway, plus Thank God for trees. Cameron has been through a lot during his lifetime, most teen boys do rebel at some point. Maybe, just maybe this episode has scared him enough to straighten out a bit. As a Mom who raised two kids with a step parent I can tell you that most step Dads do not know how to react when the step kids does this kind of crap...mostly they over react. I'm not saying this to put Robert down, he has been your rock and I think very highly of him. Grounding Cameron, taking away privileges yes I can see that, but I think it would be more beneficial if there were a part time job that he could do after school and repay some of the costs of the accident. I think that would teach him more than taking things away from him. My kids always worked, one job or another, during their early teen years...it enabled them to see how hard it was to make a buck, taught them to save for what they wanted and gave them a sense of pride knowing they were able to do it. Life, as you know, is not easy. My youngest, right after we gave him a car, wenting out drinking dam fool got behind the wheel and boom hit a containment wall - he was extremely lucky. He promises he will never ever do that again....so my dear you see almost at any age our children can cause us to get grey hair.....hang in there....love Sandi
I am so glad he's alive. I know you are so frustrated with him. He will get older and out on his own one day. Right now, tell Robert to back out of it. No one should be punished by withholding Christmas. We've all made bad choices in our life. Lord have mercy that's all I can say.
Big hugs. You know I love you. If I can call you and chat let me know cause I miss you.
NELISHIA
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/WISHINGANDHOPING/
http://journals.aol.com/tsalagiprincess1/JumpingOffTheDeepEnd/
i am going thru similar huge problems with my son but dont feel i can trust enough to write about it.....your son learned a very expensive lesson....if that was my husbands truck and our son did it, OMG.
I would not take away his presents and i would try to explain to the older son that he is not the parent here and how would he like it if he had done something similar and you had been so harsh on him? That was a nice looking truck. I am so glad Cameron is ok!
Love,lisa
omg! Cameron was SO lucky! Im so glad he is ok Lahoma. Those pics are horrifying! To be honest, I don't think you should punish him every single day, as he can't undo what he's done. I think you are right to ground him for a month, even if brilliant parties etc come up, he doesnt go, but that probably should end there. I feel sorry for you being in the middle. 2 of my 3 sons were sods for a couple of years but I stayed with it and now they are 'normal' lol! If he has to stay in his room I know I wouldn't sell his telly! aw....feel for ya ...Linda *big hugs*
http://journals.aol.co.uk/lindachapmanuk/metamorphing/
Withholding Christmas seems unusally cruel to me. However, he does need to held accountable for his actions. Paying back the $100 is a start. I don't have a teenager...yet...but just remember my teenage years, I'm sure I gave my parents a bit of hell. Perhaps the accident is a wake-up call.
Oh my goodness! How scary! I agree with everyone else here that taking away Christmas is not something I would do. However, the grounding? Certainly! AND, don't give in and let him off early... he needs to learn that there are consequences to his actions. And, with the thought of consequences in mind.... Is there a part-time job he can do? Or something he can do for you to 'work off' his debt? Because, I think that he should not only payback the $100 for towing, but also for whatever repairs are needed for the truck.... It may seem a little hard, but I think that in the long run it will both teach him responsibility and that actions have consequences!
All that being said, I'm sooo glad that he is o.k.!
(((Lahoma))))
Kids don't always make the smartest decisions....we know because we were all kids once upon a time too. What I learned to do because of my own stupid tricks I did as a kid is we never left car keys hoe when Jim and I were both out. We weren't always diligent about it and once my middle daughter took DH pick up and backed it right into his boat in the drive way....hard enough to move a 28 foot boot off it's trailor and into a ditch.......that damn boat could of rolled on her and the pick up and killed her........mad as hell as I was....I couldn't even talk or look at her until the next day. Her punishment.....grounded for a month, no phone, no computer, no nothing and the biggest punishment?? she could still take drivers ed, but she was not allowed to get her license until she was 18 (She was 16 at the time and just beginning Driver Ed class. And she was never allowed to drive on of our trucks even when she did turn 18 and get her license....one wreck was all you get on our trucks. Just a thought and I am glad Cameron didn't get hurt...hopefully that fear he experienced will last him a long long time and he will be alot more careful with other choices life presents to teenagers.
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