Ignorance

I wanted to mention this in my last entry but I got ahead of myself. So, I promise this will be short. (I hope. LOL) I've been living in West Virginia now for 4 or 5 years. I can't remember when we moved here. LOL But, the entire time I've been here I have been trying to contact my brothers. Two I found and now have somewhat of a relationship with them. The third one has either been avoiding me or getting different messages than I have sent.

I got word from him a few weeks ago through my SIL and here's what he had to say. "THAT NIGGER LOVING BITCH HAD BETTER HAVE ENOUGH SENSE NOT TO COME TO MY HOUSE BECAUSE NOT ONLY WILL SHE GET HER ASS STOMPED BUT WHOEVER IS STUPID ENOUGH TO BRING HER OR COME WITH HER WILL GET IT TOO BECAUSE THE ONLY THING SHE DESERVES IS TO HAVE HER THROAT SLIT FOR SPREADING HER LEGS AND LYING DOWN TO GET KNOCKED UP BY A NIGGER."

All that coming from the brother that I haven't seen since Cameron was three years old and this same brother that carried Cameron around on his hip all day bragging on how beautiful his nephew was and spoiling him rotten by buying him whatever he wanted and more. All the while promising me and Cameron that he would always be there for us.

What a joke! And yes, it hurt me something terrible. Even more, it hurt Cameron because he heard the entire conversation before I realized he was in the room.

Wanna know what's really funny about it? My brother must not know about our great, great, great grand father who was a black man.

Dumbass biased Doctors

I went to the doctor last week and was told that I have walking pneumonia. I ended up in the ER yesterday and the doctor on duty was a total ass. They wanted to admit me but I walked out. He told me I didn't have pneumonia and that all my health problems were caused by smoking. That includes my diabetes, my high blood pressure and all of my cancer diagnosis. I'm sure, No, I know smoking contributes to it but I know good and well it didn't cause it. They even said my veins were destroyed from smoking. That's when I really got pissed and told them that my veins are destroyed because of nurses not doing a proper job of sticking them and also the fact that they have been poked so many times from the chemo treatments.

I was in so much pain I was bent over walking and I heard one of the nurses ask the doctor if he was ordering me any pain medication and he said with a snotty tone, "No, why should I give her pain medication when she's gonna walk out the door and fire up a cigarette"?

In my opinion, that's none of his damn business and it's his job to make me as comfortable as possible. Am I right?

Anyway, Remember a few entries back I mentioned a cook book called White Trash Gatherings? Well, I made a chicken and dumplings recipe from it tonight and Robert said it was the best he'd ever had. Made me feel right good! LOL

I thought today was new years eve and I started taking our Christmas tree down. I had all the ornaments off of it before I realized today is the 30th! @@ Now it's sitting there almost naked with a few strands of lights left on it. LOL Poor thing!

Here's a pic of Cameron that made me laugh until I cried.

PS- those aren't really his teeth! He'd have braces if it were, even if I had to hock everything I own. LOL

I was reading tonight in a friends journal where she mentions that the man who molested her was now a born again Christian. God forgive me for judging this man or anyone else but I have a real problem with this. Is it just me or have you also noticed that when these men get caught, they suddenly become walk the line Christians?

And how quick they are to tell you that God forgave them so we must forgive them too.

I'm all for giving second chances but I think a lot, actually 99.9 % of these men use God as a way of getting by with it.

I know of one man that started molesting his step daughter at the age of 8. I don't know how long it went on but he wasn't sorry and hadn't stopped doing it until the girl told her Mom and she confronted him. Then he was sorry.

Yea right, sorry he got caught!

Anyway, next thing you know he's "saved" and telling his wife that she has to forgive him. And she did! The daughter grew up, (full of resentment no doubt) got married and had a daughter of her own. The grand baby wasn't allowed in the house if her step grand dad was around so he ended up meeting someone online and left. A 21 year marriage over, just like that.

Now, My question to you is, if you were in love/married/or whatever with a man and you found out that in his past he molested his daughter or someone else's daughter, could you forgive him? Could you live with yourself for forgiving him?

Personally, I don't think I could forgive him just for the fact that I wouldn't be able to let it go. Every time I saw him look at a female child I would wonder if he is secretly lusting after her. I would have so many questions that I know he wouldn't wanna answer. Like, if you had an uncontrollable lust for an 8 year old girl then, how can you not have that same lustful desire now?

And, if you lust for babies how can a grown woman satisfy you? Or, If you couldn't control it then, how are you controlling it now?

It drives me nuts thinking about it. I can only imagine what it would do to me if it ever really happened to me. Thank God I had a son and to my knowledge he hasn't been molested and he is now big enough to kill the SOB stupid enough to try it.

I almost forgot. I wanted to say congratulations to Nelishia and Dirk on their engagement. Dirk, I thank God almost daily for bringing you into Nelishias life. I wish you both lots of love, hugs, laughs, joy, and a life time of happiness and togetherness.

God Bless you both!

 

 

White Trash Gatherings

Got a cookbook in the mail today titled WHITE TRASH GATHERINGS. It's got some great down home recipes and tips in it. I love the title. LOL

In my last entries comments Kim asked if Cameron got his classes switched. He did and so far, so good.

Got two Christmas cards today from Dawn and Bruce. Thank you Dawn!! Bruce doesn't read me so I'll thank him in an email.

Robert bought some movies yesterday. One of them being Pirates of the Caribbean Dead mans chest. Which was good, but I expected more. And there will be another. The other was an animated movie called Barnyard. I swear, I laughed til I cried. Ant Bully was pretty good too. It had a good lesson it it.

We went to Texas steak house yesterday and I made a pig of myself. I couldn't help it. I was starved and it was soooo good. :)

I got Robert a computer game called Call of Duty for his birthday and he was up until 6 am playing it. I guess he liked it. :)

It's a mad house in the stores and on the roads. So, if you go out, be careful. People are nuts!

Oh, and I'm down to a size 7 in pants. I've never been that small in my life!

I've got a song stuck in my head and I don't even know the name of it. The only part of the lyrics that I know is, "Up all night, sleep all day. I know what you're doing." and I keep repeating that over and over in my head. ugh!

Robert and I are getting ready to leave here in a few to go finish up the Christmas shopping.

Cameron is finally off from being grounded. None of us paid any attention to the date and he ended up being grounded a day longer than he was supposed to be. LOL

Bout killed him when he found out. {snicker}

So far I've gotten three Christmas cards. And I don't know how many I've sent but I have more to send. (Lisa Jo, Please send me your address again)

All week long I've been taking a little time out of each day to go through my dresser drawers and my closet to get rid of some clothes that I either can't wear or don't wanna wear. Now that I'm finished, I ended up with three large trash bags full of clothes that I plan on giving to the local community center.

Then yesterday I visited with my aunts Debbie and Janice who each gave me two large bags of clothes. Some of which still had the tag on them. A lot of those will go to the community center too. One bag has two very nice women's leather jackets in it but I can't wear them because they are a size 1x. Too bad because they are beautiful!

After almost two weeks the car is finally fixed. Only cost $50 plus parts.

I guess that's all I have for now.

Happy Ho Ho!! :)

 

 

An interesting way to help

 A New Jersey woman who wants to send Silly String to U.S. troops in Iraq to help them detect trip wires is accepting donations of money to help cover costs. The U.S. Postal Service will not ship the aerosol cans by air.
    Checks can be made out to St. Luke's Church, 55 Warwick Road, Statford, N.J. 08084.
    Shriver also is collecting names and addresses of soldiers and Marines in Iraq who may need Silly String. Suggestions should be sent to ron101abn@comcast.net. - Associated Press

Cameron being grounded for so long is about to drive me nuts. He doesn't have the TV or game to occupy his time so he wants to follow me around and talk, talk, talk. LOL Someone please get me some ear plugs for Christmas. :)

Then Tuesday of last week he got suspended from school for three days. UGH!!!!!!!! That gave him a five day weekend!

That also got him another three days added on to his grounding.

He's had the same teacher for two years but for different classes. Every time I've been called to the school it's been that same teacher, every time!

This time I asked him why he was the only teacher that had serious enough problems with Cameron to call me into the office. I never got an answer. Instead the principal chimed in and said, "we have notes from the other teachers" Yea, but they didn't call me into the office and they have never requested that Cameron be suspended. So, I told them that I wanted Cameron out of that class and put in another and it better be done by Monday, tomorrow. We'll see.

Every single time I've went to that office they have sat there and threatened Cameron with the Phoenix center. Basically an alternative school. I think they just wanna get rid of him because they have to put forth so much effort to accommodate him and his "special" needs.

I wonder, could they put him in the alternative school if I went against it?

This is one of his Christmas presents.

I think he's been snooping because he said earlier that he knows we have a present hid in our bedroom.

And I don't know what Robert did but when he wrapped that truck it took an entire roll of wrapping paper.

Dwelling

It's so hard not to dwell on the past and loved one's who are no longer with us during the Holidays.

The car still isn't home but now, they at least know what's wrong with it. The air conditioning pump locked up. Cameron and Robert are gone now to get the part they need and hopefully put it on. if not, it goes into the garage tomorrow.

I spent the entire day yesterday at my aunt Janice's house and then way up into the evening at my aunt Debbie's house. It was a nice visit with them both.

Found out Janice's son Dewayne and his GF are having twins. They determined from the heartbeats that one is a boy and one is a girl. The entire family is ecstatic! There's been twins and even triplets in the family before but it was many, many years ago.

One set of twins were my cousins. Both boys. One was named Phil and the other was Rex. Both committed suicide but at different times and years apart. Phil hung himself when he was 17 or 18. Rex shot himself in the head in his late 20's.

Both events were terrible but I'll always remember Phil's death because his family was neighbors with my grandma and the day he hung himself we all went over to see what was going on and I saw him lying in the floor gasping for breath or something. My granny called it the death rattle.

I sat by him while my granny gave him CPR. It didn't help.

His death was later investigated as a murder. Allegedly his step father killed him but he was never found guilty.

If not for bad luck, we'd have no luck at all.

Robert went out to pick up the mail this morning and right after he left, the phone went out. Four hours later I'm pacing the floor with a bad gut feeling that something was surely wrong. It takes less than 30 minutes to go to the post office and back.

I kept checking the phone to see if it was working and when it finally was there were several messages from Robert saying he had broke down and needed me to come get him. He was froze to death by the time we got the messages and was able to get to him.

He said several people had stopped and tried to help him. One couple went and bought him a brand new starter and even put it on for him. It still wouldn't start and they wouldn't let Robert repay them. Don't see very many people like that anymore.

We had to leave the car where it broke down until tomorrow. The postmaster said we'd be lucky if we had a car to come back to. I hope no one bothers it.

I had planned on doing some more Christmas shopping tomorrow but now the entire day will no doubt be spent on his car. I hope he can fix it and I hope it isn't expensive.