Just my Luck!

I wasn't going to write about any of this on here, but here goes!

When I first bought my truck I had the opportunity to get vanity tags. Everything I asked for was taken so I finally came up with JUSTMYLUK and I honestly believe I jinxed it because even though it's been a good lil truck, it sure has been through it and looks terrible.

I feel like JUSTMYLUK should have been embedded in my forehead.

Last Monday I had a bone marrow biopsy and yesterday I got the results. The Dr says I tested positive for Myeloid Leukemia. He also said no one around here can treat me because I have to have a bone marrow transplant and that unlike the stem cell transplant, I cannot donate to myself. So, now I have to find someone to donate to me, that is a match.

I told my family and so far I have two volunteers but both of those can't be a doner because of their own health issues.

I haven't found out for sure yet but I may have to go as far as North Carolina to be treated. I can't afford to travel that far for treatment nor do I even want to.

I've been thinking that maybe I should contact the make a wish foundation so that Cameron and I can do something fun and exciting together. A lasting memory.......Just in case.

 

When you cannot pray as you would,
pray as you can.
Dean M. Goulburn

My friend had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Understandably, her first reaction was shock followed closely by terror and all that entails: sleeplessness, anxiety, depression and anger.

What bothered her most, however, was that for the first time in her life, she was unable to pray.

"I don't know what to say," she confided. "I don't know what to ask for. I can't find the words."

I assured her she was not alone. I had also found it difficult to pray when I was first diagnosed with cancer.My biggest problem was anger. I was mad at God. He had allowed this awful thing to happen to me, and I didn't want to talk to Him anymore.

But as the shock and terror slowly wore off and I entered into my year-long cancer journey filled with multiple surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation treatments, my anger ebbed, too.

I realized that God had not given me cancer. A misfire at the cellular level had given me cancer. A bad gene, maybe. Pesticide exposure, perhaps. Whatever had caused it, it wasn't God.
It was biology run amok.

God was right where He had always been, waiting patiently for me to come to Him and lay my burdens at His feet. He knew my fears better than anyone, and He wanted to strengthen and encourage me. All I had to do was come into His presence and ask.

He also knew that I couldn't find the words to ask for what I needed. I wasn't even sure what I needed, so how could I pray?

It was then that He reminded my of the simple bedtime prayer I had prayed as a child. "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray Thee, Lord, my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray Thee, Lord, my soul to take."

He also reminded me of the Lord's prayer:
"Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name."

I realized that my prayers didn't need to be original to be heard. In fact, God has given us many prayers that we need only to read or recall according to our own faith traditions.

Sometimes I just said, "God, I am so scared and so tired that I don't even know how to pray anymore." Then I would sit quietly and wait. Invariably, God spoke to me through my heart. He reminded me that prayer is a two-way street and that sometimes all we have to do is be quiet and listen. Let Him do the talking.
Listening is prayer, too.

God is there even in - maybe especially in - the silence when we are still and quiet.


God, help me to remember that prayer is a conversation with You and that sometimes all I need to do is listen. Remind me that, even when I'm silenced by terror and can find no words at all, You can hear what is in my heart. Amen