rambling

I like my little punky mood thingymajigger in my about me section. I can change my mood whenever I want.

Anyway, I stole it from someone else's journal. You can snag it from me if you want.

It was beautiful here yesterday, or so I heard. I slept most of it away. Stayed up too late and felt like crap all day. Other than that, it was a good day.

Called my baby brother and wished him a happy birthday. Told him I'd like to spend more time with him since we've been out of touch for so long. He acted strange. Then later when the conversation was ending I heard a click on the line like someone had been listening and hung up too quick.

He just turned 29 and still lives on the property of the people that adopted and raised him. He doesn't live in the house with them, but it is on the ranch and close enough to the main house for them to keep a close eye on him.

He likes to party and they are church goin folk. They monitor his friends, visitors, etc, so I wouldn't be surprised if our conversation was being listened to.

I can see their side to though. At his age he shouldn't even be living there and it's not like he hasn't had opportunities to better himself because he has.

When he turned 18 he got the money our Mom had left for us to receive on our 18th birthday. It had been sitting in the bank drawing interest for 15 years and he had accrued enough to get him a home and a decent ride. But instead, he partied it all away.

Which I can't really say anything about him because when I turned 18 and got my money,it was... PARTY TIME! LOL

I did get myself a car though and first chance I got I registered for Job Corps and moved away from everyone to another city.

I thought I had done something really good. I thought I was gonna make something of myself and I was trying really hard in my classes and having the time of my life until one day my guidance counselor called me in his office and told me I had a letter from home.

It was from my aunt Debbie. My favorite person in the entire world at the time and the only family member that ever treated me like family. I was so excited with just the fact that someone cared enough to write me. I remember watching the other girls on our floor getting mail and care packages and in the beginning I would cry because I never got anything, but I got over it and stopped looking for anything, especially a care package.

I had never heard of a care package before then and I was 18 years old.

I had never been to a Mall and I had never seen, let a lone ridden, an esculator. (sp) I made a darn fool of myself that day but boy did we have fun.

Some of the girls would share their care package goodies with me. That's also when I discovered ramen noodles. Love those things. Especially the oriental blend.

But anyway,back to the letter. It was a long letter.Two pages, front and back. She tried to say how proud she was of me and that she wanted me to succeed and prove everyone wrong because ALL of the family was making a joke out of me going back to school and making bets on how long I would last before I came back looking for someone to take me in because I was never gonna amount to anything.

When I read that it was like it had sucked all of the joy and drive from my body and soul. I didn't care about anything anymore, including myself, because I knew no one else did either.

This is one of those times when Robert says I'm ass backwards because that should have made me want to prove them wrong.

But it didn't...